【時事英文】
3 American Intimacies I Don’t Get
來美國17年，我仍然無法理解的美式親密
After 17 years in the United States, these public displays still make no sense to me. But I’m trying.
來美國17年了，我還是不能理解這些公開表現的方式。但我一直試著了解。
Hugs Galore
Hugging wasn’t a thing in my childhood in Hong Kong. When I saw my grandmother, I just shook her hand. In fact, I never hugged anyone until I was 13, when I came to America. The concept of hugging was so foreign to me that I had to study how other people hugged to understand the mechanics of wrapping your arms around someone. Was I supposed to put both arms over the shoulder? Both arms around the belt? One up and one down? It was a confusing time in my life.
大量擁抱
我的童年是在香港度過的，那裡不流行擁抱。看到奶奶，我只會握著她的手。實際上，在13歲來美國之前，我從來沒有和任何人擁抱過。擁抱的概念對我來說如此陌生，以至我不得不去研究其他人是怎麼擁抱的，以便理解這種張開雙臂環繞住某人的技術。我應該把兩條手臂都放在對方肩膀上嗎？都搭在腰上？一上一下？這是我人生中的一個困惑時期。
When I finally mustered the courage to hug this girl in school, I’m pretty sure I forearmed her in the face. Yet these days, I’m recklessly hugging everyone, with complete disregard, and hopefully fewer injuries. I hug my friends, I hug people I’ve just met, I hug the UPS man if he delivered a cool package. (Even if he delivers toilet paper, I still give a quick hug.)
當我終於鼓起勇氣在學校裡擁抱一個女孩的時候，我敢肯定當時我的前臂碰到了她的臉。但如今，我會輕鬆自如地擁抱所有人，完全沒有顧慮，但願也沒造成什麼傷害。我會和朋友擁抱，和剛認識的人擁抱，和給我送來好東西的UPS快遞員擁抱。（即使他送來的是衛生紙，我也會快速擁抱他一下。）
‘Bae’?
Most of my friends have at least two dating apps on their phones. One friend is having lots of success on Plenty of Fish, another had her heart broken twice by different guys from Bumble, and I have gathered a database of nightmare stories from my own Tinder dates.
「寶寶」？
我的大部分朋友手機上都有至少兩款交友APP。其中一個朋友在Plenty of Fish上有不少成功斬獲，另一個朋友被透過Bumble認識的兩個傢伙傷透了心。我自己也在與用Tinder認識的人約會時發生了很多噩夢般的故事。
I once matched with a woman whose job description was “social influencer.” Deep down I knew this probably meant she was unemployed with 50,000 Instagram followers — some of them real — but I gave it a shot. I took her out to Dave & Busters so if the date went south, I could still enjoy myself playing Mario Kart.
我曾經在Tinder和一個工作描述寫的是「網路紅人」的女人配對。她在Instagram上有五萬粉絲——其中一部分是真正的粉絲——內心深處，我知道這可能意味著她沒有工作，但我想試試。我帶她去了Dave & Busters娛樂餐廳，所以如果約會失敗，我還可以玩瑪利歐賽車(Mario Kart)。
Throughout the date, she kept having me take videos of her for her Instagram story. “O.K., do one like that, but turn the phone the other way.” “Let’s do one with the puppy face filter!” “O.K., get one of me playing Mario Kart.” I’m not your cameraman! I want to play Mario Kart, too! I would have walked out if I hadn’t just invested $30 in my Dave & Buster’s game card. Priorities.
在整個約會過程中，她一直讓我給她拍可以發到Instagram上的影片。「好，這樣拍一個，但把手機換到另一邊去。」「我們用狗狗臉濾鏡拍一個吧！」「好，拍一個我玩瑪利歐賽車的。」我不是你的攝影師！我也想玩瑪利歐賽車！如果不是剛往Dave & Buster’s的遊戲卡裡儲值了30美元，我當場就走了。這才是最重要的。
We never got to know each other, but that didn’t seem to be an impediment to her, at least not on social media. The next day I saw a post on her Instagram of her playing Mario Kart, with the caption “I love it when bae takes you out for game night.” Um, what? I definitely was not her “bae” and we have never spoken since. As Justin Bieber would say, “Baby you should go and love yourself.”
我們根本沒能了解對方，但這對她來說似乎並不是問題，至少在社群媒體上不是。第二天，我看到她Instagram上發了她玩瑪利歐賽車的貼文，圖解說「我喜歡寶寶晚上帶我出去玩」。什麼？我肯定不是她的「寶寶」，後來我們再也沒說過話。就像Justin Bieber會說的那樣，「寶貝，你應該去愛你自己。」
The Rampant Spread of ‘I Love You’
In many Asian cultures, people rarely, if ever, utter the words “I love you.” But in America “I love you” can be used as an endearing greeting from lovers, as a supportive term from parents to their children and even as a casual goodbye to friends: “That was an amazing brunch, let’s do it again soon. I love you, bye!”
泛濫的「我愛你」
在很多亞洲文化中，人們很少說「我愛你」。但在美國，「我愛你」可以是愛人之間的親密問候、父母對孩子的支持甚至是和朋友的隨口道別：「這頓早午餐太棒了。咱們改天再一起吃。我愛你，再見！」
American culture is just much more intimate than what I was used to growing up. If I said “I love you” to my parents, they would probably think I’m crazy or that I have terminal cancer. I have said it to my friends sometimes, in a drunk-guy-at-the-bar way. “Hey, I love you, bro, you’re awesome, man.” And I have said it to one girl, but to be honest I’m not sure I meant it — it just seemed like the right answer at the moment.
美國文化遠比我在成長過程中所習慣的文化親密。如果我對我的父母說「我愛你」，他們可能會認為我瘋了，或者是到了癌症晚期。我有時候會像酒吧裡的醉鬼一樣對朋友說。「嘿，我愛你，兄弟，你太棒了，哥們兒。」我對一個女孩也說過這三個字，但說實話我不確定自己是不是認真的——只是因為那個當下似乎應該那麼說。
She was wonderful, and two months into our relationship she told me, “I really like you.” I said, “I really like you too.” Then she said, “I really, really like you,” and looked into my cornea. And I said, “Yes, I really, really like you too!” Frustration came over her and she pushed on: “No! I mean, like, I really, really, really like you!” A-ha — I finally realized what she meant, so I gave her the answer she was looking for: “Oh yeah, I love you.”
她是個很棒的人。交往兩個月後，她對我說，「我真的喜歡你。」我說，「我也真的喜歡你」。然後她說，「我真的、真的喜歡你，」並看著我的眼睛。我說，「是啊，我也真的真的喜歡你。」失望襲來，她進一步強調：「不是！我的意思是，喜歡，我真的、真的、真的喜歡你！」喔，我終於明白她的意思了。於是，我說出了她想要的答案：「是的，我愛你。」
That was a regrettable mistake from this naïve people pleaser. We eventually broke up because we both realized I didn’t mean that. So what does it really mean to say “I love you”? Does it mean nothing more than “You’re cool”? Or is it actually a magical phrase?
這句幼稚且討好他人的話造成了一個令人遺憾的錯誤。我們最後分手了，因為我們都意識到我說那句話不是認真的。那麼說「我愛你」究竟是什麼意思？只是「你真酷」的意思？還是說它真的是一句有魔力的話？
I asked my 70-year-old Chinese father, “Dad, why don’t we ever say ‘I love you’?” And he said, “We don’t have to always say I love you, it’s understood.” Maybe he’s right.
我的父親是中國人，他已經70歲了。我問他，「爸，我們為什麼從來不說『我愛你’？」他說，「我們不用老是說我愛你，大家心裡都知道。」也許他是對的。
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