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The world really has evolved several stages since 2020, and also since the beginning of my career- and that’s the beauty of it all. Nothings permanent, everything changes and newer, more exciting things keep coming into the mix.
Tomorrow my baby will turn 6 months. What a massive milestone, for her and for myself. As I am learning everyday to be a better mother, I am also learning to become a stronger me. I have been wanting to update fans and friends on how I am doing - and yet every time I try, I just feel like “oh gosh. Where do I even start?” And before that thought process is over, I would be busy either feeding my baby, changing a diaper, soothing her, or putting her to sleep.
The first few months of my baby’s life felt like it flew by so quickly yet at the same time pre-baby feels like a lifetime ago - everything in my world has shifted. My whole focus was her - I was breastfeeding, (which, by the way, is HEAPS harder than giving birth), making sure she’s eating well, sleeping well, and pooping well. And, understandably, paranoid about any kind of germs in the house. There was no difference between day and night, it’s just wake time and sleep time. It made no difference for me what day of the week it was, what weather it was, what’s happening with my industry, or with the world other than the daily Covid news, because I just needed to stay home make sure that my little newborn is far far far away from covid. I barely saw friends, and hadn’t eaten in a restaurant for north of half a year. As I took care of her, I barely had time to wash my own face, go to the bathroom, or sleep for a long stretch of time. I also didn’t have enough breastmilk, so I would sit there and try to pump the life out of me, just so I could provide half of a meal for my baby. I tried everything - but I do know that low supply isn’t uncommon. So- as glamorous as mom life can appear to be on social media, don’t be fooled. It’s humbling, but it’s also life-altering and the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
Emotionally, I’ve been so over the moon and happy. I enjoy spending time with my newborn baby, she makes me giggle and smile - even though I wish my mother was here to share old baby stories of me, and experience all of this together. But having a daughter really makes you feel more connected to your mother on a completely different level - I just know she’s happy and proud of me from up above. I’ve taught her how to semi-feed herself, how to fall asleep by herself, teaching her still how to roll, sit, and semi-stand (crazy!!), and I’ve played her tunes on my guitar like she’s the only fan in my fan club.
I also consider myself blessed that I never had issues with postpartum depression, despite suffering from mommy’s wrist. I had an amazing relationship with my 陪月/月嫂 who helped me immensely more than words can say. I have not been able to see my side of the family for over a year, but I’m blessed to have amazing in-laws and fellow mommy friends to share experiences with.
Nothing has been easy, but I am the most grateful for my husband - he was always by my side when I needed him. We change diapers together, we bathe our daughter, we sing to her together, and read bedtime stories to her together. I can safely say, that I’m MUCH happier than when I was towards the end of my music label contract. There have been some dark years there.
Hitting 6 months is a big deal for me. I can safely pat myself on my back and reminisce on THE single most biggest achievement of my life, my daughter. Obviously, 6 months is not long in the grand scheme of things, ie. her entire life ahead, but it is a big milestone for me mentally, and finally I feel it’s time to really focus on my own personally healing. I completely lost myself in taking care of her, and yet I felt the most alive and the most needed - and I found a new me in the process. It’s a beautiful kind of chaos and I embraced all of it. But yes, now it’s time for me again. finally.
Hitting this 6 month mark, I have decided to now wean from breastfeeding, take care of my body better, drink some wine, and write more songs for real. (If my daughter allows, lol). I am choosing to give myself some more me-time, read a book, get my nails done, and eventually get a haircut too. And.. start to think about dieting and training. Moms don’t get enough credit for deciding consciously to not slim down yet because they gotta breastfeed. But- with that said, all moms have their own struggles that no one knows of, so never judge!
A part of the stress that comes with social media sometimes, is actually comments on moms’ sizes, even praises of “wow you slimmed down fast!” As though that’s the most important thing of all. The toxic culture pains me and I just know it’s not the point. For me, it really was a conscious decision, just to be a mother first, above all else, at least for these first six months of her little life. And looking at her, strong, happy and healthy, I am truly so so proud of her for her growth and development.
And finally.. I’m finally ready to think about myself again as a musician. I know I’m lucky to be able to have a choice of being with her for 6 months; I count my blessings everyday. But as songwriting wheels become rustier, and as the industry evolves, I’m quite frankly not sure yet what a singer-songwriter mom looks like. I struggle to name artists in the Chinese speaking world that I could reference from - but I promise I’ll continue to bring music to those ears that still choose to listen.
I still hope that one day - little Naomi can see mama on stage. Looking down at her as she sleeps, I always imagine what she would be like as she grows up - and I hope that one day she will be able to pursue what she loves to do and focus on the truly meaningful things in life.
Thank you for reading through this thinking-out-loud random catch-up session blog thing. I’m just so glad I survived 6 months of motherhood. This stuff ain’t easy! Sending love and thank you all for the support, as always. More updates later!
xRobynn
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