Today, after a long time, I took a day to take care of myself.
Hair, nails, clothes, eyelashes. It was a long time since I did it to "feel good". First it was a "must". You know that I would go out without make-up, with slippers and a K-ON's shirt... But you can't (almost) if you have a certain job. Despite the exhaustion and the hard initial trial I'm going back to the gym, because I've to have a suitable body. I've to improve so many things that I've no idea where to start. I'm slow and awkward. Often envious and negative (yes, you got it right) but it is "normal" especially if you aren't in a comfortable situation. "It costs too much .. I have to do this .. I can let it go .. ah, another hater .. maybe I will never get there" It's normal. How many people hate me (and for no reason or even if have never seen me)? So many. Often so many and maybe people I loved that still make me feel sad. But I understood by myself that even if you're perfect, when one has a negative impression, it often doesn't change it. Because it's right, we're human. How many have said "I could do her job!... Look at him how much he earns". A few lies, everyone. At least once. Because yes we are human. It is normal to make mistakes, to behave often badly, to have envy, to believe oneself better than others, to be depressed. I've never shown that my life is pink and flowers, who thinks that it's because he doesn't know me. We should all be allowed to "forgive" ourselves. We live only one fucking time. Close your eyes, today you're here and tomorrow you're gone. We get hit by bullshit often, but we keep going. I go forward. And I will go on in this fucking and beautiful dream that I have.
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