7. 🌸 Sharon
I enjoy all the beauties and the good in life: a bouquet of flowers, rainbows, the delicacy of porcelain china, the touch of snuggly fabrics, the scent of nature, the list could go on and on.
Samuel and I married early, we bought our first apartment with limited budget, I still tried hard to make the most of it to fit my “perfection”.
The small balcony was filled with plants and flowers. It was my secret garden, I can sip my cup of coffee and watch my greens all morning.
Not just the balcony; my kitchen was equipped with aesthetic and functional silverware and pots; I knocked down the tiles provided by the construction company, just to choose my own tiles, not to mention what I went through to find the right fabric and color for those hand towels.
Thus, I can not accept the fact that I was going to spend the rest of my life in a wheel-chair.
There was no more perfection.
The first year was the darkest time in my life. It felt like decades. No matter how hard I tried to squirm out of the whirlpool of darkness, the more I struggled, the more I was sucked into it. I was drowning.
There’s so much than what you see “a person in a wheelchair” who’s paralyzed. You don’t have bladder control, you suffer dysautonomia which simply means you have pains and cramps sending to your system by your damaged nerves. There are also issues like obesity, osteoporosis, and kidney, heart and lungs problems.
My stubborn tumor cuts me from T8-9, meaning from about 3 cm above my belly button until my waist down, I don’t feel a thing, and I can’t budge a toe. All of a sudden, from 167 cm tall, I became 125cm. With that height, I can’t see the faces of people, I can’t smell the fresh air, and no more scenic views for me.
Due to the PTSD, I started to lose weight, but with no balance and muscle to straighten my back, my tummy always stuck out. I looked like a shrimp that has a 6 months belly in a wheel chair. I had to throw out all my tight and pretty clothes in change of clothes that could cover up the bulging tummy, and easy to put on pants with elastic waists. My beloved shoes had to go too, my feet are easily swollen, I need bigger shoes.
My choice of clothing and trend was banished.
The nerve pains follow me EVERY SINGLE DAY, 24-7. The medications can only do so much. Isn’t it an irony? I can’t feel my son’s hands touching my legs. Or someone just come and pinch me, let me get some real pain here. Nope, they are all gone. Dealing with the pains of my body takes up most of my energy everyday.
I had to record everything that I take in and out too. I had to decide to rely on adult diapers or to use catheter. My pride and frustration was about to explode. It took one year with the help of my doctor to understand my body and find the way that I was most comfortable with.
My legs are paralyzed, and my weight kept on dropping. Physically and mentally I was a mess.
I could never get to my balcony anymore; my pretty tiles had handles on them; my velvet dresser chair became an obstacle for my wheel chair, so it had to go.
My porcelain tea cups were too high for me to reach. I can no more decorate my table exactly the way I want to.
These were nothing compared to how I had to pretend everything was alright with in front of Andrew. He was two, and he was just ecstatic mommy wasn’t leaving him every two to three months. I played and laughed with him everyday, until he sleeps.
But it was a pretty pass.
I have witnessed him tumbling down the stairs in a friend’s house. I was right there! There was nothing I could do except to bite my lips from screaming out loud. Hundreds of things that could have happened to him, and my SOPs zoomed through my mind in the flick of seconds. Samuel ran over to pick up our frightened baby, Andrew held out his arms to me. I held him tight, checked him from head to toe. I thank the Almighty that he was not hurt.
Sometimes, I sat on my recliner instead of the wheel chair. Andrew wanted me to follow him to his room and play. I took a piece of my heart and threw it to him, he catches it, pats his own heart. “Mommy is following you now.” My two-year-old walks always without any complaints.
I tried to be the super-mom that I wanted to be, I took Andrew downstairs to play by myself. When I tried to catch a balloon that flew away, I fell head over heals. Andrew was in so much fright that he refused to go anyway alone with me for the longest time.
I suck everything up in the morning, my tears, my frustration, my sorrows. Once Andrew falls asleep, the waterworks ran like tap water, it wouldn’t stop. No one can comfort me, no one could help me, not even Samuel. We have been fighting this battle for years side by side, we were not ready to face the defeat.
I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about this. I can’t lose my sanity in front of Andrew. He deserves a better mommy and a lot more happiness.
My blue print for being a Mother was to be there for my kid: race in the park, lie on the grass and gaze at the sky, teach him how to swim. When it’s time for school, I want to be friends of his friends, I am going to run for the coolest mom in the whole class.
But now, life isn’t pretty any more.
All good that’s left, was Andrew.
同時也有2部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過0的網紅FERNTUBE (Fernanda Ly),也在其Youtube影片中提到,(Giveaway info is at the bottom) Today we celebrate 10k subs with a Vivienne Westwood sample sale video that I've been meaning to post 🌟 I may or may...
「everything is blue meaning」的推薦目錄:
- 關於everything is blue meaning 在 鋼鐵媽媽的Andrew與山姆 Iron Mom’s Andrew & Sam Facebook 的最佳解答
- 關於everything is blue meaning 在 鋼鐵媽媽的Andrew與山姆 Iron Mom’s Andrew & Sam Facebook 的最佳解答
- 關於everything is blue meaning 在 100% GDworld Life 小資夫婦流浪記 Facebook 的精選貼文
- 關於everything is blue meaning 在 FERNTUBE (Fernanda Ly) Youtube 的最讚貼文
- 關於everything is blue meaning 在 渡辺レベッカ ☆ Rebecca Butler Watanabe Youtube 的最佳貼文
- 關於everything is blue meaning 在 Everything is Blue | Niki DeMar - YouTube 的評價
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- 關於everything is blue meaning 在 900+ Everything is blue ideas in 2022 - Pinterest 的評價
- 關於everything is blue meaning 在 What does "going blue" mean? - English Stack Exchange 的評價
everything is blue meaning 在 鋼鐵媽媽的Andrew與山姆 Iron Mom’s Andrew & Sam Facebook 的最佳解答
1. 🔘For Starters
June, must be my favorite month of the year; bright sunshine, birds tweeting, butterflies’ wings fluttering; Sam’s Birthday, my birthday, our wedding anniversary, the list could go on and on. If I closed my eyes, I could vision the colors of June, macaron blue topped with white sugar powder. I could also smell the scent of fluffy cotton candy. I love June. I live for the summer.
All of these changed on the day of June 1st, 2015. Lying in the recovering room after my 16th surgery, shivering and shaking from the waking of anesthesia, with my coarse and meek voice, seemingly like my last breath, I asked the nurse, did my toes move? “No, I am sorry.” With that, I let myself fall into the power of trance.
I wasn’t too worried. My previous 15 surgeries always had ups and downs, Sam and I have waved it all. My toes are just in a short coma, they will be awake in a few days, just like before.
Never did I know, how naive I was this time.
I have Chondrosarcoma, a type of tumor which occur mostly in hips, pelvis, and in the limbs. It is resistant to radiotherapy and chemothrapy. For me, it nests in my spine. There was nothing to be done, except surgery after surgery, before it suppresses my spinal cord, and effects my lower limbs functions.
It has remained low-grade for the past 18 years, meaning it’s not spreading or taking your life, YET. I am just stuck in a limbo, there’s no getting out; trapped in a dark hole that engulfs you without a breather.
I tried to be pious, I ate everything, from herbal to lizard skin; I tried every treatment there is, the damned tumor hunted me everywhere with no sign of giving up.
There was a doctor in a famous Taiwan Cancer Center who dismissed me by saying, “There’s nothing we can do for you. You will end up in a wheelchair anyways.”
2011, we decided to try proton, it seemed there might be a chance of getting rid of the tumor. We contacted the Accredited hospital on the East Coast, the cost was more than a million dollars. Not if I win the lottery would I have that kind of money. We then found the hospital on the west coast which was the first to have proton machines, the cost was much reasonable, $100,000. They told us, the cure rate is 80%, and it’s going to be a “radiation vacation”, relax, and enjoy the ride.
I brought so much hope and anticipation there, but came home in a wheelchair, my legs were failing me. Yes, the rad-vacay was another failure.
Finally, Dr. Huang from the Veteran’s Hospital was the only doctor who was willing to take me under his wings. He was blunt, “You might be paralyzed on the table if anything went wrong, but I will do my best.” That was 2012, my 8th spine surgery. After the surgery, and physiotherapy, I was learning how to walk again. In less then three months, I was pregnant.
everything is blue meaning 在 100% GDworld Life 小資夫婦流浪記 Facebook 的精選貼文
降落🛬️。
.
落地是啟程的開始。
.
歲月是人生最大的小偷,卻留下了一抹甜蜜⋯在皺紋裡頭會發現滿滿的情愫。
.
落日的昏黃絢爛了整片原本蔚藍的天空,再過幾刻鐘,彩霞會讓天空更加精彩。
.
人生也要如此,可以精彩落幕。
.
Taking off.
.
Landing is the meaning of start.
.
The biggest thief to the life is age, stolen everything but leave a sweet, explore particularly to find out the sincere emotion.
.
The orange yellow brighten the blue sky, few minutes later, the rosy clouds even color it become more wonderful.
.
Life is the same, end in brilliance.
.
#gdworld遊世界
#跟著gd去流浪
.
#bali #explorebali #traveltibali #balisunset #sunset #vancouverite #背包客棧
everything is blue meaning 在 FERNTUBE (Fernanda Ly) Youtube 的最讚貼文
(Giveaway info is at the bottom)
Today we celebrate 10k subs with a Vivienne Westwood sample sale video that I've been meaning to post 🌟
I may or may not have been waiting for this milestone in order to do so 👀
I previously asked if everyone was open to a giveaway and I'm so excited to hold one now! The names of the prizes are also below in case you want to buy them yourself hahaha
Fun fact: The night before was when I dislocated my knee, but as a big fan and collector of VW I couldn't miss this sale. Pretty sure standing in line is what made my knee worse.... The few weeks in an immobiliser was worth it for this 🤗
I've really enjoyed being on YouTube, so thank you for your support thus far! Tbh I wasn't expecting to keep at it for so long lol
It's been fun learning how to edit videos and images too. I'm aware there are many things I could improve on and things I could nitpick at, but I feel like I've come a long way from my first upload 9 months ago 🥸
Again, thank you so much for your continued support in watching, commenting, and liking my videos. It means the world to me ❤
ーーーーーーー
#ferntube #viviennewestwood #giveaway
✩ Instagram: @warukatta
✩ Email: ferntube22@gmail.com
Please contact my agencies in regards to model work
ーーーーーーー
✩ Songs:
Waves - Fiji Blue (https://thmatc.co/?l=518C9DB2)
Lovely Day - VirgoZilla Beatz (https://thmatc.co/?l=184FE7FC/)
✩ Subtitle file: (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GHCjMd_s-ciGbpcVa_p1W8XlnsnA0O6s/view?usp=sharing)
*** As Youtube has unfortunately discontinued community contributions, here is the script for anyone still willing to do subs for other languages. If you replace the english text with your language and email me the file, I'll be more than happy to upload it for everyone to see. Thank you for your helpful contributions until now!
✩ FTC: This giveaway is not sponsored by Vivienne Westwood, YouTube, nor any other company and all moneys spent is my own.
ーーーーーーー
Ferntube's 10k Subscriber Giveaway ❤️❤️❤️
Comment to win a pair of Vivienne Westwood earrings in celebration of 10k subs!
I want to share my happiness by giving two(!) subscribers the chance to win a pair of earrings each!
🌎 Giveaway is open worldwide 🌎
PRIZES:
✩✩ Vivienne Westwood 'Sorada' Orb Earrings (Crystal on Rhodium) ✩✩
✩✩ Vivienne Westwood 'Rosemary' Small Earrings (Brass) ✩✩
HOW TO WIN:
Leave a comment on this video
That's it
Please be sure you're subscribed to my YouTube (I'll be checking!)
If you are under 18 years old, please have parental permission before commenting.
Only one entry per person; multiple entries/ comments will not be counted.
I'll use a random number generator to choose two winning comments so everything stays fair ❤️
Giveaway begins 02/03/2021 upon upload and closes midnight (Eastern Standard Time) of 22/03/2021
Winners must message me within 48 hours of contact to claim prizes, if not, I will have the rng choose another comment.
everything is blue meaning 在 渡辺レベッカ ☆ Rebecca Butler Watanabe Youtube 的最佳貼文
お久しぶりです♪
お待たせしてしまって、すみませんでした!
アメリカに引っ越して(というか帰国して)ばたばたしていましたm(_ _)m
新しい部屋から、いきものがかりの「SAKURA」の自作英語版を撮ってみました♪
今、日本はちょうど桜が咲いているところなのかな。
日本の桜を思いながら、この曲を歌いました。
気に入っていただけると嬉しいです(^^)/
Enjoy!
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
Long time no see, YouTube! Sorry for the lull in the last couple of months—I recently
moved and haven't had time to make any videos for a while...
Here is my first video from my new home in the U.S., an English cover of Ikimono-gakari's
SAKURA (meaning "Cherry Blossoms"). For those of you in Japan (or somewhere with
cherry blossoms), they must be just about in bloom right now, aren't they? The blossoms in
Japan were on my mind while I sang this song. I hope you enjoy it :)
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
曲情報 / SONG INFO
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
いきものがかり/SAKURA
2006年リリース
作詞曲:水野良樹
英語詞: 渡辺レベッカ
Ikimono-gakari / SAKURA (Cherry Blossoms)
Released 2006
Music/Lyrics: Yoshiki Mizuno
English Lyrics: Rebecca Butler Watanabe
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
リンク / LINKS
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
■HP⇒ http://BlueEyedUtaUtai.jimdo.com
■Facebook⇒ http://facebook.com/blueeyedutautai
■Twitter⇒ @BlueEyedUtaUtai
■Chords
(Coming soon)
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
歌詞/LYRICS
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
さくら ひらひら舞い降りて落ちて
(sakura hirahira mai-orite ochite)
揺れる想いのたけを抱きしめた
(yureru omoi no take wo daki-shimeta)
君と春に願いしあの夢は
(kimi to haru ni negai-shi ano yume wa)
今も見えているよ
(ima mo miete iru yo)
さくら舞い散る
(sakura mai-chiru)
Past the windowpane of the swaying train
Traces of you by the river
On the bridge we crossed together
Colored in spring revelry
Graduation day came and took away
My love so far from this town
The flowers hanging on the boughs
Still hold those memories
But the two of us, we chose two different roads
Separated when spring came to a close
Now the future blooming in all of its glory pushes me to move on
In the train window reflected
Just the same are the cherry blossoms
And deep inside of me, your voice still lingers
Still hear it calling to me
When the cherry blossoms start to flutter down toward my feet
I let all my wavering feelings wash completely over me
Oh, the dreams we dreamt together in the spring will always be
In my heart forever and ever, as the spring begins anew
In the letter I started many times
Got as far as “I’m doing fine”
But I know that little lie will never fool you
Seasons come and go, and before I know
Spring arrives once more in this place
And the flowers bloom like always
Paint the town in vibrant hues
Every day without you that I get through
Brings adulthood closer into view
I wonder if a day will come when I forget everything
Hope you know I truly loved you
As I reach to the cherry blossoms
And everything I feel, the love and heartbreak
Is swallowed up in the spring
When the cherry blossoms start to flutter down toward my feet
I embrace the wavering feelings that are washing over me
Oh, the words so bold you gave me in the spring will always be
In my heart forever and ever, as the flowers flutter away
さくら ひらひら舞い降りて落ちて
(sakura hirahira mai-orite ochite)
揺れる想いのたけを抱きしめた
(yureru omoi no take wo daki-shimeta)
Distant days we dreamt together in the spring so long ago
Disappear up into the blue sky
Now the cherry blossoms start to flutter down toward my feet
As I walk toward the days that wait beyond the spring for me
Holding on so dearly to the dream we vowed that we would seek
In my heart forever and ever
さくら舞い散る
(sakura mai-chiru)
everything is blue meaning 在 900+ Everything is blue ideas in 2022 - Pinterest 的推薦與評價
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