So what is so cool about last year is it is so so so difficult on so many levels.
The protests and civil unrest period is a constant unsettlement in the body no matter our involvement. On many levels it is a ginormous holding back as funds were frozen in many areas, our work was compromised and naturally evil thoughts of self-doubt started to creep in. There was the holding back of expression because everywhere we turned it was mostly rejection. Personally I have learned like never before not to waste anything, even the tiniest bit of comfort I was used to in the past had no place anymore. We simply couldn’t afford it. Imagine a stylist not being able to play with clothes freely, it was hell. It didn’t prove successful to hold nervous tension when looking for more stable work either. All the resumes sent out, there was no reply. I didn’t give up and tried contacting friends, and mostly the reply that came back energetically was “no way—we do not want more light here”. Everything was building momentum so lightness and joy was not allowed. Because I was not buying into the intense emotions around, I lost half of the views on social media, I no longer fit into the vibration of comfort, so I had to rebuild myself. Knowing I needed to go to the gym and lift some weights, I wasn’t even able to freely pay my membership, we cancelled the membership because jobs were not paying us the money on time for the work we did, so I worked out at home instead.
The beauty paegent that we were involved in and spent over 26 hours working on a particular day, gave us a sharp cut just after our work was completed for that day, because we were so onto it and finished everything that was asked of us in one day. We were asked not to return and there was no need to be involved with the finals. Instead of being devastated this burned my entire being to communicate even deeper, to express all the facts with no avoidance and all my joy and lightness. It ignited all my passion to not live held back in all that we deserve without imposition but rather a greater sense of purpose and love. It burned to not be treated in any way of disrespect lest our brothers and sisters were not aware of
