Long hair or short hair?
I used to not know who I was without my long hair (chopped in three shaggy layers). No matter what, my hair always had to be cut this exact way, left down…or else!
While dealing with some life confusion in December of 2019, I decided to go to the salon for a trim—a random salon instead of my usual hairdresser. Misunderstanding my instructions and/or vibes, the woman chopped off my entire bottom layer, leaving me with chunky shoulder-length crop. I was furious, but could she put it back? I thought about it. I mean, she could have glued it, but there were just too many strands! I clenched my butthole. I was already late for the party I was supposed to be at. Staring at the brown whirlpool beneath my feet, I sucked it up and took it like a man. I didn’t even cry. Was it the end of the world? No. Or...maybe. Some would argue the world already ended in 2012.
I started only tying my hair up in a bun (something I never did before) until it grew to an acceptable length. After awhile, I came to really like the look of my hair up. I was a brunette Cinderella at the ball! I think pulling hair out of my face also helped me open up more and become more vulnerable, as previously I always had hair covering my face.
Months later I thought I would like my hair better with a straight perm. I liked it on myself for only one day, but I didn’t regret it. It’s just hair! I’m glad I’ve learned to detach myself from a specific image of how things *have* to be. I even cut my hair to neck length on purpose.
This post is not really about hair, it’s about letting go. My past need to control certain things while blatantly disregarding others has been softened up and balanced immensely. In truth, there are many options for how things can be, and black-and-white, all-or nothing thinking is not always helpful or fun. Until experiencing more options for yourself, you don’t know what you’re missing. You can embrace everything. I already knew 0 and 500, this was about learning numbers 1-499.
But at the end of the day, I still like what I like, which is my wavy hair chopped in layers. Flexible about length now.
