This is love.
It turns out that becoming a sister to a brother with autism is the best thing that ever happened to me.
To love a brother with Autism is to love a person who at times you do not understand and, in your worst moments, would desperately like to change. There are meltdowns, repetitive behaviours, the body movements like hand flapping, spinning that give comfort to people with Autism, and a frequent failure to observe the social niceties like saying "please" and "thank you" that make you feel like an utter failure.
The truth is that my brother is a miracle. Because of him I have found levels of compassion and patience that I never knew I had. I have had to learn to surrender all that is unnecessary or burdensome, including my social life, friends and other necessities. If it is not absolutely necessary to sustain life or love, then I probably do not need it.
I have let go of all expectations. I take nothing for granted, nor do I assume the worst. I am learning to take each moment as it comes, to ride out the storms that seek to blow me off course, and to hang on to the moments with family and friends that are the meaning of life.
And this may be the greatest blessing of them all, to be able to live in the moment. We all say this, but until we experience the upheaval of a life-altering crisis, we do not fully appreciate how precious simplicity can be. Nor do we see how many times these small treasures are gifted to us because we are unable to hold on to them through the hustle and chaos of a life lived in the fast lane.
It takes strength to see beyond the images of how life is "supposed" to look. It takes courage to see the beauty in the everyday. It takes compassion to love the imperfect.
And I would not give back this wisdom or this life of mine for anything.
And kakak owe it all, surprisingly, improbably — to my panda brother, Megat Mukhreez. #autismawarenessmonth #autism #april
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