My sister, Michelle-Ann Iking's 3% chance of conceiving naturally was a success! Here's her story:
(My apologies as I've been overwhelmed with personal matters. I've only managed to get to my desk. So finally got around posting this).
This is the story behind my sister's pregnancy struggle and how she shared her journey over her Facebook page.
Because some may have not caught her LIVE session chat with me (https://www.facebook.com/daphneiking/videos/687743128744960/) , or read her lengthy post (as it's a private page);
she's allowed me to copy and paste it over my wall, in case you need to know more about her thought process on how AND why she focused on the 3% success probability. Read on.
-------------------------------------------
Posted 10th May 2020.
FB Credit: Michelle-Ann Iking
A week ago today I celebrated becoming a mother to our second, long awaited child.
Please forgive this mother's LONG (self-indulgent) post, journalling what this significant milestone has meant for her personally, for her own fallible memory's sake as well as maybe to share one day with her son.
If all you were wondering was whether I had delivered and if mum and bub are OK, please be assured the whole KkLM family are thriving tremendously, and continue scrolling right along your Newsfeed 😁.
OUR 3% MIRACLE
All babies are miracles... and none more so than our precious Kiaen Aaryan (pronounced KEY-n AR-yen), whose name derives from Sanskrit origins meaning:
Grace of God
Spiritual
Kind
Benevolent
...words espousing the gratitude Kishore and I feel for Kiaen's arrival as our "3% miracle".
He was conceived, naturally, after 3 years of Kishore and I hoping, praying and 'endeavoring'... and only couples for whom the objective switches from pure recreation to (elusive) procreation will understand how this is less fun than it sounds ...
3 years during which time we had consensus from 3 different doctors that we, particularly I (with my advancing age etc etc) had only a 3% chance of natural conception and that our best hope for a sibling for our firstborn, Lara Anoushka, was via IVF.
Lara herself was an 'intervention baby', being one of the 20% of babies successfully conceived through the less intrusive IUI process, after a year and a half of trying naturally and already being told then my age was a debilitating factor.
We had tried another round of IUI for her sibling in 2017 when Lara was a year old. And that time we fell into the ranks of the 80% of would-be parents for whom it would be an exercise in futility... who would go home, comfort each other as best they could, while individually masking their own personal disappointment... hoping for the best, 'the next time around'...
So the improbability ratio of 97% against natural conception of our second baby, as concurred by the combined opinion of 3 medical professionals, was a very real, very daunting figure for us to have to mentally deal with.
Deep, DEEP, down in my heart however, though I had many a day of doubt... I kept a core kernel of faith that somehow, I would again experience the privilege of pregnancy, and again, have a chance at childbirth.
And so, the optimist in me would tell myself, "Well, there have to be people who fall in the 3% bucket... why shouldn't WE be part of the 3%?"
Those who know me well, understand my belief in the Law of Attraction, the philosophy of focusing your mind only on what you want to attract, not on what you don't want, and so even as Kishore and I prepared to go into significant personal debt to attempt IVF in the 2nd half of 2019, I marshalled a last ditch effort to hone in on that 3% chance of natural conception... through research coming across fertility supplements that I ordered from the US and sent to a friend in Singapore to redirect to me because the supplier would not deliver to Malaysia.
I made us as a couple take the supplements in the 3 month 'priming period' in the lead up to the IVF procedure - preconditioning our bodies for optimum results, if you will.
At the same time, I had invested in a sophisticated fertility monitor, with probes and digital sensors for daily tracking of saliva and other unmentionable fluid samples, designed to pinpoint with chemical accuracy my state of fertility on any given day.
(UPDATE: For those interested - I obtained the supplements and Ovacue Fertility Monitor from https://www.fairhavenhealth.com/. Though I had my supplies delivered to a friend in Singapore, and redirected to me here since the US site does not deliver to Malaysia, there are local distributors for these products, you will just have to research the trustworthiness of the vendors yourself...)
I had set an intention - in the 3 months of pre-IVF priming, I would consume what seemed like a pharmacy's worth of supplements, and track fertility religiously... in hopes that somehow, within the 3 month priming period, we would conceive naturally and potentially save ourselves a down payment on a new property... and this was just a projection on financial costs of IVF, not even considering the physical, emotional and mental toll it involves, with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it all...
It was a continuation of an intention embedded even with my first pregnancy, where all the big ticket baby items were consciously purchased for use by a future sibling, in gender neutral colours, in hopes that sibling would be a brother "for a balanced pair", though of course any healthy child would be a welcome blessing.
It was a very conscious determination to always skew my thoughts in service of what the end objective was. For example, when 3+year old Lara would innocently express impatience at not yet having a sibling, at one point suggesting that since we were "taking too long to give her a baby brother/sister", perhaps we should just "go buy a baby from a shop", instead of getting defensive or berating the baby that she herself was, we enlisted Lara's help to pray for her sibling... so in any place of worship, or sacred ground of any kind that we passed thereon, Lara would stop, close her eyes, bow her small head and place her tiny hands together in prayer, reciting earnestly, "Please God, please give me a baby brother or baby sister."
After months and months of watching Lara do this, in the constancy of her childlike chant, Kishore started feeling the pressure of possibly disappointing Lara if her prayer was not answered. Whereas for me, Lara's recitation of her simple wish became like a strengthening mantra, our collective intention imbued with greater power with each repetition, and the goal of a sibling kept very much in the forefront of our minds (hence our calling Lara our 'project manager' in this endeavour).
And somehow in the 2nd month of that 3 month period, a positive + sign appeared on one of the home pregnancy tests I had grown accustomed to taking - my version of the lottery tickets others keep buying in hopes of hitting the jackpot, with all the cyclical anticipation and more often than not, disappointment, that entails...
This time however I was not disappointed.
With God's Grace, (hence 'Kiaen', a variation of 'Kiaan' which means 'Grace of God'), my focus on our joining the ranks of the 3% had materialised.
It seems poetic then, that Kiaen chose to make his appearance on the 3rd May, ironically the same date that his paternal great-grandfather departed this world for the next... such that in the combined words of Kishore and his father Kai Vello Suppiah,
"The 1st generation Suppiah left on 3rd May and the 4th generation Suppiah arrived on 3rd May after 41yrs...
One leaves, another comes, the legacy lives on..."
***
KIAEN AARYAN SUPPIAH'S BIRTH STORY
On Sunday 3rd May, I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant.
The baby was, in my mind, very UN-fashionably late past his due date of 29th April, so as much as I had willed and 'manifested' the privilege of pregnancy, to say I was keen to be done with it all was an understatement.
In the weeks leading to up to my full term, I had experienced increasingly intense Braxton-Hicks 'practice contractions' - annoying for me for the discomfort involved, stressful for Kishore who was on tenterhooks with the false alarms, on constant alert for when we would actually need to leave home for the hospital.
Having become a Hypnobirthing student and advocate from my first pregnancy with Lara, and thus being equipped with
(1) a lack of fear about childbirth in general and
(2) a basic understanding of how all the sensations I would experience fit into the big picture of my body bringing our baby closer to us,
I was less stressed - content to wait for the baby to be "fully cooked" and come out whenever he was ready... though I wouldn't have minded at all if the cooking time ended sooner, rather than later.
With Lara, I had been somewhat 'forced' into an induced labour, even though she was not yet due, and that had resulted in a 5 DAY LABOUR, a Birth Story for another post, so I was not inclined to chemically induce labour, even though I was assured that for second time mothers, it would be 'much faster and easier'...
That morning, I had a hunch *maybe* that day was the day, because in contrast to previous weeks' sensations of tightening, pressure and even spasms that were concentrated in the front of my abdomen and occasionally shot through my sides and legs, I felt period - like cramping in my lower back which I had not felt before throughout the pregnancy.
It was about 8am in the morning then, and my 'surges' were still relatively mild ('surges' being Hypnobirthing - speak for 'contractions', designed to frame them with the more positive connotations needed to counteract common language in which childbirth is presented as something that is unequivocally painful and traumatic, instead of the miraculous, powerful and natural phenomenon it actually is).
I recall (masochistically?) entertaining the thought of opting NOT to have an epidural JUST TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE...
I figured this would be the last time I would be pregnant and so it would be my 'last chance' to experience 'drug free labour' which, apart from the health benefits for baby and mother, might be *interesting* in a way that people who are curious about what getting a tattoo and skydiving and bungee jumping are like, might find these *interesting*...even knowing there will be pain and risk involved...
Since I have tried tattoos and skydiving (unfortunately not being able to squeeze in bungee-jumping while my life was purely my own to risk at no dependents' possible detriment) a similar curiousity about a no-epidural labour was on my mind...
In the absence of other signs of the onset of labour (like 'bloody show' or my waters breaking), I wanted to wait until the surges were coming every few minutes before we actually left the house for the hospital, not wanting to be one of those couples who rushed in too early and had interminable waits for the next stage in unfamiliar, clinical surroundings and/or were made to go home in an anti-climatic manner.
I was even calm enough through my surges to have the presence of mind to wash and blowdry my hair, knowing if I did deliver soon I would not be allowed this luxury for a while.
Around 9am I asked Kishore to prep for Lara and himself to be dressed and breakfasted so we could head to hospital soon, while I sent messages to family members on both sides informing them 'today might be the day.'
My mother, who had briefly served as a midwife before going back into general nursing and then becoming a nursing tutor, prophetically stated that if what I was experiencing was true labour, "the baby would be out by noon".
The pace in which my surges grew closer together was surprisingly quicker than I expected; and while I asked Lara to "Hurry up with breakfast" with only a tad more urgency than we normally tell her to do, little Missy being prone to dilly-dallying at meals, I probably freaked Kishore out when about 930am onwards, I had to instinctively get on my hands and knees a couple of times, eyes closed, trying to practice the Hypnobirthing breathing techniques I had revised to help along the process of my body birthing our child into the world.
I recall him saying a bit frantically as I knelt at our front door, doubled over as he waited for Lara to complete something or other, "Lara hurry up! Can't you see Mama is in so much pain and you are taking your own sweet time??!!"
SIDETRACK: Just the night before, Lara and I had watched a TV show in which a woman gave birth with the usual histrionics accompanying pop culture depictions of labour.
Lara watched the scene, transfixed.
I told her, simply and matter-of-factly, "That's what Mama has to do to get baby brother out Lara, and that's what I had to do for you also."
In most of interactions with my daughter, I have sought to equip her to face life's situations with calmness, truthful common sense, and ideally a minimum of drama.
Those who know the dramatic diva that Lara can be will know that this is a work-in-progress, but her response to me that night showed me some of my 'teachings' were sinking in:
She looked at me unfazed, "But Mama," she said. "You won't cry and scream like that lady, right? You will be BRAVE and stay calm, right?"
#nopressure.
So as we prepped to leave for the hospital I did indeed attempt to be that role model of calm for her, asking her only for her help in keeping very quiet,
"Because Mama needs to focus on bringing baby brother out and she needs quiet to concentrate...".
As we left the house at 10.11am, I texted Kishore's sister Geetha to please prep to pick up Lara from the hospital, and was grateful Kishore had the foresight to ask our gynae to prepare a letter for Geetha to show any police roadblocks between my in-laws' home in Subang Jaya and the hospital in Bangsar, this all happening under the Movement Control Order (MCO).
To Lara's credit, in the journey over to the hospital, she - probably sensing the gravity of the situation, sat very quietly in her seat at the back, and the silence was punctuated only by my occasional deep intakes of breath and some variation of my Ohmmm-like moans when the sensations were at their height.
By the time we got to Pantai Hospital at around 10.30am, my surges were strong enough I requested a wheelchair to assist me in getting to the labour ward, as I did not trust my own legs to support me... and Kishore would have to wait until Geetha had arrived to take Lara back to my in-laws' house before he himself could go up.
I slumped in the wheelchair and was wheeled up to the labour room with my eyes closed the whole time, trying to handle my surges.
I didn't even look up to see the attendant who pushed me... but did make the effort to thank him sincerely when he handed me over, with what seemed like a palpable sense of relief on his part, to the labour ward nurses.
The nurse attending me at Pantai was calm, steady and efficient. I answered some questions and changed into my labour gown while waiting for Kishore to come up, all the while managing the increasingly intense surges with my rusty Hypnobirthing breathing techniques.
By the time Kishore joined me at around 11am (I know these timings based on the timestamps of the 'WhatsApp live feed' of messages Kishore sent to his family), I was asking the nurse on duty, "How soon can I get an epidural??" thinking what crazy woman thought she could do this without drugs???!!!
The nurse checked my cervix dilation, I saw her bloodied glove indicating my mucous plug had dislodged, and she told me, "Well you are already at 7cm (which, for the uninitiated, is 70% of the way to the 10cm dilation needed for birthing), you are really doing well, if you made it this far without any drugs, if can you try and manage without it... I suspect within 2 hours or less you will deliver your baby and since it will take about that time for the anaesthesiologist to be called, epidural to be administered and kick in... it might all be for nothing... but of course the decision is completely up to you... "
So there I was, super torn, should I risk the sensations becoming worse... or risk the epidural becoming a waste?? And of course I was trying to decide this as my labour surges were coming at me stronger and stronger...
I was in such a dilemma...because as a 'recovering approval junkie' there was also a silly element of approval-seeking involved, ("The nurse thinks I can do this without drugs... maybe I CAN do this without drugs... Yay me!") mixed with that element of curiosity I mentioned earlier ("What if I actually CAN do this without drugs... plenty of other women have done it all over the world since time immemorial.. no big deal, how bad can it be...??") so then I thought I would use the financial aspect to be the 'tiebreaker' in my decision making...
I asked the nurse how much an epidural would cost and when she replied "Around MYR1.5k", I still remember Kishore's incredulous face as I asked the question, i.e."Seriously babe, you are gonna think about money right now? If you need the epidural TAKE IT, don't worry about the money!!!"... and while we are not rich by any stretch of the imagination, thankfully RM1.5k is not a quantum that made me swing towards a decision to "better save the money"...
So in the end, I guess my curiosity won out, and I turned down the epidural "just to see what it would be like and if I had it in me" (in addition of course to avoiding the side effects of any drugs introduced into my and the baby's body).
My labour occuring in the time of coronavirus, it was protocol for me to have a COVID19 test done, so the medical staff could apply the necessary precautions. I had heard from a friend Sharon Ruba that the test procedure was uncomfortable, so when the nurse came with the test kit as I was starting another surge, I asked, "Please can I just finish this surge before I do the test?" as I really didn't think I could multitask tackling multiple uncomfortable sensations in one go.
The COVID19 test involved what felt like a looong, skinny cotton bud being inserted into one nostril... I definitely felt more than a tickle as it went in and up, being told to take deep breaths by the nurse. Then she asked me to "Try to swallow" and I felt it go into my nasal cavities where I didn't think anything could go any further, but was proven wrong when she asked me to swallow again and the swab was probed even deeper. Then she warned me there would be some slight discomfort as she prepared to collect a sample... but at that point all I could think about was:
(i) I really don't have much of a choice
(ii) please let this be over before my next surge kicks in
(iii) if all the people breaking the MCO rules knew what it feels like to do this test maybe they won't put themselves at risk of the need to perform one...
In full disclosure as I was transferred into the actual delivery room at some point after 11am, another nurse offered me 'laughing gas' to ostensibly take some of the edge off... I took the self-operated breathing nozzle passed to me but don't recall it making any difference to my sensations..so didn't use it much as it seemed pretty pointless.
I recall some measure of relief when I heard my gynae Dr. Paul entering the room, greeting Kishore and me, and telling us it was going well and it wouldn't be long now and he would see us again shortly.
From my previous labour with Lara I knew the midwives pretty much take you 90% of the way through the labour and when the Dr is called in you are really at the home stretch, so was very relieved to hear his voice though knowing he would leave and come back later meant it wasn't quite over yet.
I do remember realising when I had crossed the Thinning and Opening Phase of labour to the Birthing Phase, by the change in sensations... it is still amazing to me that as the Hypnobirthing book mentioned, having this knowledge I was instinctively able to switch breathing techniques for the next stage of labour .
Was my opting against epidural the right choice for me?
Overall? Yes.
Don't get me wrong.
I *almost* regretted the decision several times during active labour... especially when I felt my body being taken over by an overwhelming compulsion to push that did not seem conscious and was accompanied by involuntary gutteral moans where I literally just thought to myself, "I surrender, God do with me what you will..." (super dramatic I know but VERY real at the time...).
I think I experienced 3-4 such natural explusive reflexes (?), rhythmically pushing the baby down the birth path, one of which was accompanied by what felt like a swoosh of water coming out of a hose with a diameter the size of a golf ball... this was when I realised my water had finally broken...
The nurses kept instructing me to do different things, to keep breathing, to move to my side, then to move to the middle, to raise my feet... and when I didn't comply, Kishore (who was with me throughout both my labours) tried to help them by repeating the instructions prefaced with "Sayang..." but I basically ignored all the intructions because I felt I had no capacity to direct any part of my body to do anything and someone else would have to physically manoeuvre that body part themselves.
When I heard Dr. Paul's voice again and the flurry of commotion surrounding his presence, I knew the time was close... and when I heard the nurse say to Kishore, "Sir, these are your gloves, for when you cut the baby's cord", it was music to my ears...
I'm very, VERY grateful Kiaen slid out after maybe the 4th of those involuntary pushes... the wave of RELIEF when he came out so quickly... it still boggles my mind that my mother was essentially right and as his birth time was 12.02pm, it was *only* about 1.5 hours between our arrival at the hospital and his arrival into the world.
Kiaen was placed on my chest for skin to skin bonding and remained there for a considerable time.
For our short stay in the hospital he would be with us in my maternity ward number C327... another trivially serendipitous sign for me because he was born on the 3rd (May) and our wedding anniversary is 27th (July).
I was discharged the following day 4th May at about 5.30pm, after I got an all clear on COVID19 and a paediatric surgeon did a small procedure on Kiaen to address a tongue-tie that would affect his breastfeeding latch... making the entire duration of our stay about 31 hours.
I have taken the time and effort to record all this down so that whenever life's challenges threaten to get me down I can remind myself, "Ignore the 97% failure probability, focus on the 3% success probability".
Also that the human condition is miraculous and it is such a privilege to experience it.
To our son Kiaen Aaryan, thank you for coming into our lives and choosing us as your parents.
Even though Papa and I are both zombies trying to settle into a night time feeding routine with you, I look forward to spending not only all future Mother's Days, but every day, with you and your Akka...
And last but not least, to my husband Kishore...without whom none of this would be possible - we did it sayang, I love you ❤️
Photo credit: Stayhome session with Samantha Yong Photography (http://samanthayong.com/)
同時也有2部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過2,480的網紅玳瑚師父 Master Dai Hu,也在其Youtube影片中提到,「添丁發財」這四個漢字,是中華民族非常喜愛的。多用在祝賀新婚夫婦。不過吾相信,就算是非中華民族,祇要她他知曉,這四個漢字的意識,同樣會欣然接受。那爲什麼這四個漢字,如此廣受大眾接納呢?因爲,小朋友乃夫妻婚後,家庭喜樂、接代的生力軍。有了這些生力軍,夫妻對未來著實有了展望。尤其是男性,自然會增加其奮鬥...
「soon to be couple meaning」的推薦目錄:
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#尋人啟事
#胡湘荷妳在哪裡
我的母親已八十歲,
疫情期間,
母親常在電話跟我聊一些過去的事情,
母親的記憶力非常好,
從她十歲開始到現在,
她幾乎能記得所有的事情。
當然,
她記的幾乎都是些令人心碎的事。
就像她的妹妹_
我的小阿姨,
跟她失聯了四十三年的事,
一直讓母親忘不了。
小阿姨屬猴,
64歲、
1956年出生。
大約1977年離開緬甸,
去到泰國投靠大舅,
又輾轉在1978年左右去了加拿大。
之後,
就失去了聯絡。
自從有網路以來,
我就幫忙母親在各種尋人版上刊登過尋人啟事,
但都沒有下文。
可能是刊登的資訊不齊全。
四十三年前,
小阿姨從緬甸到泰國又到加拿大,
可能證件、姓名等都跟原本的不一樣了。
近期,
與我母親通話,
母親又提到失聯的小阿姨。
她叮嚀我們是否能幫忙她再找找看。
母親今年八十歲,
她很想知道她的小妹,
是否還活在這世界上?
附上母親說的話,
她讓我公佈在網路上。
希望有緣,
我的小阿姨能看到。
Midi 於永和
2020 April 12
#胡湘荷
#尋人
胡湘荷,妳在哪裡?
阿湘,
我是妳的二姐胡明珠。
我們分別有好長一段時間了。
妳離開緬甸時,
我二兒子才剛出生,
都還不滿一個月,
妳來看他時,
還說:
「他的臉白白的,
是不是我給他擦粉?」
現在,
我二兒子四十三歲,
我呢,
已經快滿八十二歲,
八十多歲,
是老人了。
人家說,
人愈老記性愈差,
我是相反,
我的記性反倒是愈老愈好。
但是,我能記住的,
都是些傷心的事情。
也許,
我們這代人,
也沒有什麼快樂的事情可以記住。
就像妳的離開,
我們從此失去聯絡,
想起妳,
就讓我難過。
妳還活著嗎?
我想妳會活得好好的。
妳有幾個小娃了?
過得怎麼樣呢?
四十三年前,
妳離開腊戌時,
妳還在腊戌漢人學校唸書。
有天放學,
我去攔住妳,
跟妳說:
「妳以後每天下課後就來我家吃飯,
別去大姐家吃了…」
妳說:「好」。
妳也就跟著我到我家吃飯了。
我還記得,
妳才剛坐下,
我不知怎麼搞的,
就說了那些話。
我說:
「大姐讓妳以後來我這裡吃飯,
別去她家吃了,
讓妳三姐去她家吃,
妳三姐不挑嘴,
妳比較挑嘴…」。
這些話,
是大姐跟我說的,
我當時太懵,
太老實,
我也不曉得,
為什麼要說這些大姐講的話?
為什麼要講給妳聽?
我完全,
沒有擔待不了妳的意思呀。
不管多窮,
姐妹間互相照顧都是應該的,
我轉述大姐說妳的那些話,
是沒有任何理由的,
就是我以為是姐妹之間的聊天,
講出來而已。
我那時候過得很困難,
養著六個小娃,
病死了兩個。
但是,
照顧自己的妹妹是天經地義的。
那天,
我邊說就邊到廚房去炒菜,
難得妳來這裡吃飯,
總要多一樣什麼菜才行。
我炒完菜端著出來,
妳就不見了。
當時,
房東許老嬤嬤還在場,
她說,
「我轉進廚房,
妳就站起來走了…」
我那時才發覺;
我講錯話了。
妳這麼敏感的人呀!
我一路追著妳,
追到大水塘路上_
到妳跟妳三姐住的地方,
妳正在哭。
妳正在哭著跟妳三姐吵架,
妳跟妳三姐說:
「二哥寄來的錢分來…」
妳三姐不敢應妳,
在旁沉默著。
這筆妳要的錢,
確實是妳二哥寄來給妳們兩姐妹的生活費。
那時,
媽媽剛去世不久,
大哥人去了泰國;
在泰國北部滿堂安了家,
家裡所有的兄弟陸續去了泰國。
而爸爸因為沒身份證在貴概被移民局抓住,
送到仰光坐滿九年牢,
緬甸政府正打算著把他送到台灣去的時候…
那天,
我看著妳哭,
我就明白了妳的心情。
妳三姐在準備跟她愛人私奔,
在腊戌妳也只有大姐、我和妳三姐了。
我和大姐早結婚,
各自已有有家庭。
如今妳三姐又要嫁人,
大哥他們又遠在泰國,
母親去世,
父親坐牢。
妳接下來就要孤苦零丁的一個人生存了。
一個十八歲的女孩。
我知道妳的害怕和難過。
那天,
看著妳哭,
我很後悔把大姐說的話講出來。
妳應該了解我的。
我一直都盡力照顧我的家人,
當時從雲南背著妳逃難到緬甸邊境,
背了一天一夜。
我都是自願的。
妳記得嗎?
妳到腊戌讀書時,
很想要一條件仔褲,
那時許多人都買不起,
我還是費盡力氣買給妳。
妳知道我是心疼妳的。
妳離開腊戌的那天,
妳說妳要去泰國了。
臨走時,
我拿了300塊錢給妳,
妳知道嗎?
那時候我拿出300塊錢緬幣是到處借來的錢呀。
阿湘,
我知道妳一直都在受苦,
去到泰國,
大嫂可能待不得妳,
妳二哥、三哥他們當時也沒能力照顧妳,
妳在泰國又沒有合法的身份;
哪可能有其它去處。
最後妳選擇結婚,
我想也只是為了解脫這些難過的生活罷了。
之後,
就聽說妳嫁了人,
跟著丈夫家去了加拿大。
之後,
我就再也就打聽不到妳的下落了。
我們最後的連繫,
停留在泰國北部滿堂,
或是停留在泰緬邊境美賽,
我都有些記不得了。
那時,
聽說妳從大哥家跑出來了?
又聽說妳去暫住在一對老年夫妻的家裡?
這些,
都是後來傳到腊戌的消息了。
妳去加拿大前,
還寄來給我和大姐和妳三姐每個人一件衣裳布、
一條籠基。
三份禮物裡夾著三張白紙,
寫著:「大姐的、二姐的、三姐的…」。
我還記得,
那是託「義號佛堂」楊前人帶來的禮物。
那條籠基到現在我還留著_
孔雀花紋的。
阿湘,
我這個作二姐的也羞愧妳了。
當時,
聽到這些關於妳的困難的消息,
只能每天想念著,
想到傷心,
我沒有任何能力。
那時,
我是,
連從緬甸腊戌到泰國邊境的車票都買不起呀。
當時我養著這麼多小娃,
吃一口飯都難。
阿湘,
現在講這些都只是回憶了,
都是我們老人家的回憶,
都不重要了。
那為什麼還要講這些呢?
就是,
為了,
想讓妳看到,
看到這些我說的話,
證實,
我是妳的二姐而已。
想讓妳知道,
我一直在找妳。
我活到八十歲,
夠了,
人活這麼老沒什麼意思,
都盡是傷心的事情。
我不知哪天會死去。
但如果可能的話,
在死去之前,
能讓我知道一下妳的消息。
我想知道,
妳在哪裡?
我想知道,
妳還活著嗎?
阿湘,
爸爸十幾年前已經去世,
大哥六年前去世,
連大姐,
前年也不在世上了。
妳二哥;
他住在泰國山邊荒地裡,
幫人家看田地,
過得不是很好,
但也不用擔心,
我在泰國的二兒子和大姑娘時常會去照顧他。
妳三哥,
講到也是讓我難過呀。
他大前年腦出血,
去醫院醫好了,
但醫好後,
很奇怪,
突然忘記了漢人話,
只會講泰國話。
後來不久,
他就偷偷上吊自殺了。
你說,
我們兄弟姐妹這是什麼樣的命運呢?
阿湘,
我們家沒剩下什麼人了,
妳三姐、妳四哥還在泰國。
還有我,
我還活著。
我還在緬甸,在腊戌。
除了妳,
我們一家人也就剩下這三個人了。
阿湘,
我們已經分別已四十三年,
妳也有六十多歲了吧?
我很想知道,
妳在哪裡?
妳還活著嗎?
如果有緣,
妳看到這信,
就回我一下吧。
妳的二姐胡明珠,
日日夜夜,
在等妳的消息。
二姐胡明珠 於緬甸腊戌
2020 年4月11日
姪Midi代筆
找人信箱:humingju1638@gmail.com
**************
#notice for a missing person
translated by Jane Lin
****************
Where are you, Hu Shine-Ho?
Ah-Shine,
This is your 2nd sister, Hu Ming-Ju. It has been a long time since we last saw each other. When you left Burma, my 2nd son was not even one-month-old. You asked why he was so fair-skinned? Had I put powder on his face? Now, he is 43 and I am almost 82.
Eighty something...I am indeed an old woman! People say that you lose your memory as you age. I am quite the opposite. The older I get, the better I remember! But, what I remember is nothing but sadness. Perhaps, our generation just doesn't have much happiness. Like you leaving home, we losing contact forever…. The thought of you puts me in such despair. Are you still alive? I imagine you living a good life?!! How many children? How are you?
Forty-three years ago, you were still a student at Chinese High School in Lashio. One day after school, I went to intercept you, "From now on, come to my home after school. Don't go to 1st sister's for dinner anymore." You said, "OK" and followed me home.
I still remember clearly that you had just sat down and I said, "The first sister asks that you come to me for dinner. She will take 3rd sister who's easy-going, not like you, a picky eater." I don't know what possessed me that day? Why I had to tell you what 1st sister had to say? Was I too naive? Too honest? Too stupid? I had absolutely no intension not to take care of you - we are sisters!!!! We have to care for each other, no matter how poor we are!!! The first sister's words just came out as a casual chat between sisters. Nothing more!
Life was tough for me at the time. Diseases took away two of my six children. But that didn't mean I would ignore my God-given responsibility as your elder sister. Without realizing the impact of my "casual chat", I went into the kitchen wondering what additional dish I could come up with for your first dinner with us. When I came out with the dishes, you were already gone! According to our landlady, Granny Hsu, you just got up and left as soon as I was out of sight. Only then did I realize my stupid mistake and how sensitive you were! Immediately, I ran after you, all the way to Big Pond Road where you and 3rd sister stayed. You were crying, asking 3rd sister for the money that 2nd brother sent. 3rd sister just kept quiet.
Indeed! The money that you demanded from 3rd sister was to cover living expenses for both of you. At that time, Mother had already passed away. The first brother went to Thailand, had already settled his own family in Pong Ngam. All the brothers followed suit. Father got caught in Kutkai by the immigration for not having an I.D. and had been in prison in Rangoon for 9 years. The Burmese government was just about to send him to Taiwan…. That day, while watching you cry, I understood how you felt. The third sister was getting ready to run away with her lover and both 1st sister and I were married young with our own families to deal with. As an 18-year-old with no mother, a father in prison, you must have felt all alone, sad and very scared.
I was filled with regrets watching you that day. But, please understand that I have always tried my best to take care of my family. When we escaped from Yunnan to Burma as refugees, I carried you on my back all day and all night without any complaints. When you went to Lashio for school, you wanted a pair of jeans so badly, remember? It was such a luxury that most people could not afford. Yet, I gathered all my might to get you a pair. You know I always have a soft spot for you, don't you? The day you were leaving Lashio for Thailand, do you know how many places I had to try to gather 300 Burmese kyats for you???
Ah-Shine, I know it was a huge struggle for you in Thailand. It's impossible that 1st sister-in-law would put you up. Second and 3rd brothers were in no position to help you….. I suppose you were pushed into marriage, just to end this desperate situation. Last I heard, you moved to Canada with your husband. From that point onward, in spite of all the efforts, I just couldn't find any trace of your whereabouts.
Our last contact stopped at Pong Ngam, Thailand. Or, was it MaeSai? I can't quite remember now. The news came to Lashio that you had run away from 1st brother's home. Later, you were temporarily staying with an older couple….
Before leaving for Canada, you sent, via Abbott Yang of the Yi Buddhist Hall, a package for us - each gift had a piece of dress fabric and a longyi, clearly labeled on a piece of white paper: "for 1st sister," "for 2nd sister," "for 3rd sister." I still have that longyi, with a peacock pattern, after all these years!
Ah-Shine, I feel deeply embarrassed to be your elder sister. Upon hearing the challenges that you had to face at the time, I could do nothing but worrying and feeling sad. I couldn't even afford the bus fare from Lashio to the Thai border. I barely managed to feed my own children!
Ah-Shine, What's the use of talking about these old memories? These sad memories of us old people have no importance but to serve to show you that I am indeed your 2nd sister.… that I have been looking for you all these years.
To live in my eighties is more than enough for me. It's not much fun to live this long - just a lifetime of sadness. I have no idea when I will die and I don't really care. I just wish that I could hear from/about you before I leave this world. I want to know where you are. I want to know if you are still alive.
Ah-Shine, Father passed away more than a decade ago. The first brother left us 6 years ago, so did the first sister 3 years ago. The second brother works as a field caretaker in a remote Thai mountainside. It's not a good life, but both my 2nd son and first daughter are also in Thailand; can visit and take care of him often. The saddest is our 3rd brother. He had a stroke 3 years ago. After recovery, he suddenly forgot his Chinese, could only speak in Thai. Not long after, he hanged himself! Please tell me what kind of fate has been bestowed on our siblings??? What is the meaning of life???
Ah-Shine, There aren't that many of us left, only 3rd sister and 4th brother in Thailand and me still in Burma. In Lashio.
Ah-Shine, We have been apart for 43 years. You should be in your 60s by now. I really would like to know if you are still alive and where you live. God willing, you will see this letter and reply!!! (humingju1638@gmail.com)
Waiting to hear from you, day and night!
Second sister, Hu Ming-Ju
Lashio, Myanmar
April 11. 2020
soon to be couple meaning 在 玳瑚師父 Master Dai Hu Facebook 的最佳貼文
《添丁發財》(English version below)
「添丁發財」這四個漢字,是中華民族非常喜愛的。多用在祝賀新婚夫婦。不過吾相信,就算是非中華民族,祇要她他知曉,這四個漢字的意識,同樣會欣然接受。那爲什麼這四個漢字,如此廣受大眾接納呢?因爲,小朋友乃夫妻婚後,家庭喜樂、接代的生力軍。有了這些生力軍,夫妻對未來著實有了展望。尤其是男性,自然會增加其奮鬥力。再者,所謂妻、財、子、祿,娶了老婆,財跟著來。有了小朋友,祿位亦隨之。
懂得玄學的人皆知,爲何新婚夫婦,必需在狀邊裝置兩盞燈。這是一種風水,是加持新婚夫婦早生貴子,亦是添丁也。孩子是福氣的一種象徵,沒啥福氣的,還真生不出來呢!當然,也別因爲這原因,就拼命的生(一笑)。要知道,一個人要養幾個口,也真需要更厚的福氣啊!不過,在夫妻「享受」時,不小心又製造了新生命,一定要把她他生下來,千萬勿將她他給墮掉,這不簡單是福氣的大折,更是妳你未來慘痛、悲痛的果報。切記!切記!
添丁也屬於一種旺氣。生人住的地方,就叫著陽宅。死人住的地方,就叫著陰宅。因此,一個家庭有小朋友來報到,家中自然就增添一股生旺之氣,這生旺之氣,會將家中的煞氣給排出。這也就是爲什麼我們會聽到,誰呀誰家中有了小朋友、昇職加薪、中樂透獎等等。另一個說法是之前吾提到,有孩子本是一種福氣,且孩子也是一種水氣。而水氣在風水裡,是個靈魂人物。因水至財,正如魚不能須臾離水,人不能須臾離財是也。
吾,玳瑚師父,並不是昨日剛出道的。在一個成年人歲數的歲月裡,吾會用堪虞術,幫助人們圓子夢。在風水上,絕對可以查知,爲何結婚多年,小朋友遲遲未來報到。若欲想有子女的夫妻,且莫購買缺東與東南角的屋子,因那是難有子女的屋相。倘若已買了,妳你就非得來找吾不可。吾這樣說是因爲,吾懂得將這種無子女相的屋子,轉爲有子女相的屋子。如果妳你認識懂得化解這種屋相的師父,妳你當然可以去找她他,不一定要找吾啦!添丁發財,是含有風水知識的吉祥祝語。
...............
The four Han characters 「添丁發財」 are very much adored by the Chinese. They are mainly used to wish newly weds. But I believe that if a non-Chinese understands the meaning behind these four Han characters, he or she will also gladly accept them. Why are these 4 Han characters so well-accepted by the masses? Because after a couple married, children are the new forces of joy who carry on the family line. With these new troops, the couple will have a firm vision for their future, especially for the man, whose fighting spirit will naturally intensify. Moreover, according to the phrase "Wife, Wealth, Descendants, Status", after marrying a wife, wealth will follow along. And after having children, status will come along too.
People who understand Chinese Metaphysics will definitely know why a newly-wed couple must install two table lamps on the sides of their bed. This is a Feng Shui technique, to bless the couple with a noble son soon, i.e. to add a son to the family. A child is a symbol of good fortune. Those with little fortune will find it difficult to conceive. Of course, please do not over-do it because of this reason! You must know, for one person to feed more mouths indeed require greater fortune! However, should an "accident" happen between a couple, and a life is conceived, you must give birth to the child. You must never abort the foetus. Not only will abortion greatly deplete your fortune, it will also be the cause of your future pain and sorrowful misery! Please remember!
Having a newborn is a form of auspicious energy. A place where living humans reside is called a Yang House whereas a Yin House is one where the dead rest. Hence, when a newborn comes knocking, there will naturally be this flourishing energy of growth. This growth and flourishing energy will drive the baleful energies out of the house. This is why we often hear of incidents where someone struck lottery, or got promoted and a raise at work because of a newborn at home. Another viewpoint is one I have mentioned previously, that having a child is a symbol of good fortune, and children is a form of water energies. And the water energy in Feng Shui plays a critical role. Because the water energy brings wealth, just like fish cannot be away from water, Man cannot survive without Wealth.
I, Master Dai Hu, did not just start out yesterday. In the time as long as the age of a young adult, I have used Feng Shui techniques to fulfil the children dream of many people. In Feng Shui, one can absolutely ascertain why a couple remains childless after many years of marriage. For couples wishing to have a child, do not buy a house that is lacking the East and South-East sectors as that kind of house represents a "childless" home. If you have already bought such a house, you must come look for me. I say it so because I know how to transform a "childless" home to one with children. If you know a master who has such an ability, of course, you can engage his/her service, not necessarily me! The Chinese phrase 「添丁發財」 is a well-wishing phrase steeped in Feng Shui knowledge.
玳瑚師父 Youtube channel:
https://youtu.be/4M5jFHUSEns
soon to be couple meaning 在 玳瑚師父 Master Dai Hu Youtube 的最佳貼文
「添丁發財」這四個漢字,是中華民族非常喜愛的。多用在祝賀新婚夫婦。不過吾相信,就算是非中華民族,祇要她他知曉,這四個漢字的意識,同樣會欣然接受。那爲什麼這四個漢字,如此廣受大眾接納呢?因爲,小朋友乃夫妻婚後,家庭喜樂、接代的生力軍。有了這些生力軍,夫妻對未來著實有了展望。尤其是男性,自然會增加其奮鬥力。再者,所謂妻、財、子、祿,娶了老婆,財跟著來。有了小朋友,祿位亦隨之。
懂得玄學的人皆知,爲何新婚夫婦,必需在狀邊裝置兩盞燈。這是一種風水,是加持新婚夫婦早生貴子,亦是添丁也。孩子是福氣的一種象徵,沒啥福氣的,還真生不出來呢!當然,也別因爲這原因,就拼命的生(一笑)。要知道,一個人要養幾個口,也真需要更厚的福氣啊!不過,在夫妻「享受」時,不小心又製造了新生命,一定要把她他生下來,千萬勿將她他給墮掉,這不簡單是福氣的大折,更是妳你未來慘痛、悲痛的果報。切記!切記!
添丁也屬於一種旺氣。生人住的地方,就叫著陽宅。死人住的地方,就叫著陰宅。因此,一個家庭有小朋友來報到,家中自然就增添一股生旺之氣,這生旺之氣,會將家中的煞氣給排出。這也就是爲什麼我們會聽到,誰呀誰家中有了小朋友、昇職加薪、中樂透獎等等。另一個說法是之前吾提到,有孩子本是一種福氣,且孩子也是一種水氣。而水氣在風水裡,是個靈魂人物。因水至財,正如魚不能須臾離水,人不能須臾離財是也。
吾,玳瑚師父,並不是昨日剛出道的。在一個成年人歲數的歲月裡,吾會用堪虞術,幫助人們圓子夢。在風水上,絕對可以查知,爲何結婚多年,小朋友遲遲未來報到。若欲想有子女的夫妻,且莫購買缺東與東南角的屋子,因那是難有子女的屋相。倘若已買了,妳你就非得來找吾不可。吾這樣說是因爲,吾懂得將這種無子女相的屋子,轉爲有子女相的屋子。如果妳你認識懂得化解這種屋相的師父,妳你當然可以去找她他,不一定要找吾啦!添丁發財,是含有風水知識的吉祥祝語。
...............
The four Han characters 「添丁發財」 are very much adored by the Chinese. They are mainly used to wish newly weds. But I believe that if a non-Chinese understands the meaning behind these four Han characters, he or she will also gladly accept them. Why are these 4 Han characters so well-accepted by the masses? Because after a couple married, children are the new forces of joy who carry on the family line. With these new troops, the couple will have a firm vision for their future, especially for the man, whose fighting spirit will naturally intensify. Moreover, according to the phrase "Wife, Wealth, Descendants, Status", after marrying a wife, wealth will follow along. And after having children, status will come along too.
People who understand Chinese Metaphysics will definitely know why a newly-wed couple must install two table lamps on the sides of their bed. This is a Feng Shui technique, to bless the couple with a noble son soon, i.e. to add a son to the family. A child is a symbol of good fortune. Those with little fortune will find it difficult to conceive. Of course, please do not over-do it because of this reason! You must know, for one person to feed more mouths indeed require greater fortune! However, should an "accident" happen between a couple, and a life is conceived, you must give birth to the child. You must never abort the foetus. Not only will abortion greatly deplete your fortune, it will also be the cause of your future pain and sorrowful misery! Please remember!
Having a newborn is a form of auspicious energy. A place where living humans reside is called a Yang House whereas a Yin House is one where the dead rest. Hence, when a newborn comes knocking, there will naturally be this flourishing energy of growth. This growth and flourishing energy will drive the baleful energies out of the house. This is why we often hear of incidents where someone struck lottery, or got promoted and a raise at work because of a newborn at home. Another viewpoint is one I have mentioned previously, that having a child is a symbol of good fortune, and children is a form of water energies. And the water energy in Feng Shui plays a critical role. Because the water energy brings wealth, just like fish cannot be away from water, Man cannot survive without Wealth.
I, Master Dai Hu, did not just start out yesterday. In the time as long as the age of a young adult, I have used Feng Shui techniques to fulfil the children dream of many people. In Feng Shui, one can absolutely ascertain why a couple remains childless after many years of marriage. For couples wishing to have a child, do not buy a house that is lacking the East and South-East sectors as that kind of house represents a "childless" home. If you have already bought such a house, you must come look for me. I say it so because I know how to transform a "childless" home to one with children. If you know a master who has such an ability, of course, you can engage his/her service, not necessarily me! The Chinese phrase 「添丁發財」 is a well-wishing phrase steeped in Feng Shui knowledge.
***********************
Music provided by Free Vibes: https://goo.gl/NkGhTg
Folk Chinese (Royalty Free Music) by PeriTune: https://soundcloud.com/sei_peridot/fo...
Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...
***********************
![post-title](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/4M5jFHUSEns/hqdefault.jpg)
soon to be couple meaning 在 渡辺レベッカ ☆ Rebecca Butler Watanabe Youtube 的最佳解答
お久しぶりです♪
お待たせしてしまって、すみませんでした!
アメリカに引っ越して(というか帰国して)ばたばたしていましたm(_ _)m
新しい部屋から、いきものがかりの「SAKURA」の自作英語版を撮ってみました♪
今、日本はちょうど桜が咲いているところなのかな。
日本の桜を思いながら、この曲を歌いました。
気に入っていただけると嬉しいです(^^)/
Enjoy!
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
Long time no see, YouTube! Sorry for the lull in the last couple of months—I recently
moved and haven't had time to make any videos for a while...
Here is my first video from my new home in the U.S., an English cover of Ikimono-gakari's
SAKURA (meaning "Cherry Blossoms"). For those of you in Japan (or somewhere with
cherry blossoms), they must be just about in bloom right now, aren't they? The blossoms in
Japan were on my mind while I sang this song. I hope you enjoy it :)
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曲情報 / SONG INFO
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
いきものがかり/SAKURA
2006年リリース
作詞曲:水野良樹
英語詞: 渡辺レベッカ
Ikimono-gakari / SAKURA (Cherry Blossoms)
Released 2006
Music/Lyrics: Yoshiki Mizuno
English Lyrics: Rebecca Butler Watanabe
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リンク / LINKS
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
■HP⇒ http://BlueEyedUtaUtai.jimdo.com
■Facebook⇒ http://facebook.com/blueeyedutautai
■Twitter⇒ @BlueEyedUtaUtai
■Chords
(Coming soon)
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
歌詞/LYRICS
~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~
さくら ひらひら舞い降りて落ちて
(sakura hirahira mai-orite ochite)
揺れる想いのたけを抱きしめた
(yureru omoi no take wo daki-shimeta)
君と春に願いしあの夢は
(kimi to haru ni negai-shi ano yume wa)
今も見えているよ
(ima mo miete iru yo)
さくら舞い散る
(sakura mai-chiru)
Past the windowpane of the swaying train
Traces of you by the river
On the bridge we crossed together
Colored in spring revelry
Graduation day came and took away
My love so far from this town
The flowers hanging on the boughs
Still hold those memories
But the two of us, we chose two different roads
Separated when spring came to a close
Now the future blooming in all of its glory pushes me to move on
In the train window reflected
Just the same are the cherry blossoms
And deep inside of me, your voice still lingers
Still hear it calling to me
When the cherry blossoms start to flutter down toward my feet
I let all my wavering feelings wash completely over me
Oh, the dreams we dreamt together in the spring will always be
In my heart forever and ever, as the spring begins anew
In the letter I started many times
Got as far as “I’m doing fine”
But I know that little lie will never fool you
Seasons come and go, and before I know
Spring arrives once more in this place
And the flowers bloom like always
Paint the town in vibrant hues
Every day without you that I get through
Brings adulthood closer into view
I wonder if a day will come when I forget everything
Hope you know I truly loved you
As I reach to the cherry blossoms
And everything I feel, the love and heartbreak
Is swallowed up in the spring
When the cherry blossoms start to flutter down toward my feet
I embrace the wavering feelings that are washing over me
Oh, the words so bold you gave me in the spring will always be
In my heart forever and ever, as the flowers flutter away
さくら ひらひら舞い降りて落ちて
(sakura hirahira mai-orite ochite)
揺れる想いのたけを抱きしめた
(yureru omoi no take wo daki-shimeta)
Distant days we dreamt together in the spring so long ago
Disappear up into the blue sky
Now the cherry blossoms start to flutter down toward my feet
As I walk toward the days that wait beyond the spring for me
Holding on so dearly to the dream we vowed that we would seek
In my heart forever and ever
さくら舞い散る
(sakura mai-chiru)
![post-title](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HU_yjXmu3ig/hqdefault.jpg)
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