關於 time is running out意思 ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

【我親愛的Zoom視訊客人們】
To My Dear Zoom Clients

我忍了真的⋯⋯真的⋯⋯很久，今天過後實在忍無可忍，一定要叮嚀所有過去和未來的客人們。

我年紀很大了，受不了太大的刺激。

拜託，你們可以Zoom好來嗎？😓😑

一、Zoom視訊的視角 = 拍護照照的視角

護照自2020年起就已成為古董，但大家這一生應該有拍過證件照吧！

對了，就是要頭髮整齊，讓我看到你的雙耳、雙眼、鼻子、嘴巴、頸項和肩膀，到胸部。

我批八字時，需要看整個面相。不要讓你一半的臉掉出鏡頭外，這樣很像鍾無艷，也不要嘴巴不見掉，這樣我很像在跟一條羅漢魚視訊。

我看面相包括看你的嘴巴、牙齒和說話時的嘴形。是的，看相就是需要那麼仔細。

如果你的螢幕太低，那就找書本或舊報紙，把螢幕墊高一點。別讓我整一個小時半只看到你的雙下巴，會把你的面相比例給看錯。

不要一直告訴我不好意思，方法是人想出來的。

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二、光線

太暗，我看你如見鬼。
太亮，我會看不清你的膚色。
拉開窗簾，不要背向陽光。
有必要的話，就直接開燈！

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三、勿放什麼椰樹沙灘/金門大橋的虛擬背景圖

什麼虛擬背景圖都不要放啦～

我的家美最重要，我不在乎你的家美不美，我只是來看命的。

如果你的Wi-Fi不是很強，電腦功能不是很厲害，這類的虛擬背景圖會讓你的視訊畫面卡卡的。

有時你轉個身，整個右邊不見了，或部份的頭髮少了，讓我覺得我好像在看恐怖片，嚇人啊～

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四、環境和聲音

有些海外客人其實非常用心。為了與我視訊，特別去買有麥克風的耳機🎧，讓我能更清楚的聽到他們的聲音。😍

沒有使用耳機和麥克風的客人，往往他們的聲音會有種空氣般的回音，如果他們本身講話又小聲，我的耳機聲量開滿，我還是聽得滿辛苦的

也有香港和馬來西亞客人租過會議室、鐘點房間或單人工作室，就是為了不受家人的干擾，能安心的與我視訊。😍

最有趣的是，去年新加坡阻斷措施時，有位男客人跑到屋外的走廊坐在地上與我視訊。只是外頭風聲有點大，我好幾次都聽不清楚他的聲音。

曾有客人在咖啡廳與我視訊。咖啡廳裡的高談闊論聲和器皿的敲擊聲，頻頻從我的耳機闖進我的耳朵，哇～我的耳朵那時真的是活受罪，還要裝一副氣定神閒的樣子。

天啊，兩次過後，我寧願退錢，也不再見這樣的客人了。耳朵只有一對，我要保護好啊！

在這裡聲明：一般我們買手機時的那種有麥克風的耳機，就已能視訊。沒有戴耳機和麥克風的客人，我一概會拒絕諮詢，把費用原銀奉還。

五、孩子

曾試過諮詢的前20分鐘，一直被女客人的小孩打擾，進來哭著要媽媽主持公道。

如果你家中有六歲以下的兒童，會時不時來敲你的門，我建議你還是先別約我。你這樣會分心，無法聽好我交代的事，而我也得一直等你去安撫你的孩子，就無法在限定時間內看完你的八字，這樣對誰都不公平。

六、我只見客人一人

這個規矩，從我一出道就定下來，也清楚的寫在網站上，根本不用一而再的來試探水溫。

但這兩個星期，還是有客人硬闖關，事先安排自己的配偶/孩子坐在電腦的另一面，要他們聽我講他的八字。

我從不改我的規矩，也沒有八字或風水是我非看不可的。

讀書這麼高，連自己的命都不能自己負責，這已經不是能改到命的人了。

你一定要你的配偶陪你聽，那你需要的不是我來教你改命，是你的配偶來安你的心。

將來若還有這樣的事，我會直接中斷視訊，把錢退回去。

七、「我第一次用Zoom！」

可是從報名那天到今天的諮詢，你有兩個月的時間去摸索。

兩個月，怎麼還是錯誤百出？因為客人根本沒有事先準備和練習。

結果我就這樣等了20分鐘，還得等對方下載軟件。

Zoom不難使用，但如果是你沒有花時間去摸索，就不要撒謊，直接說，我就直接退現錢。

品德是改命的資糧，不要為了自己能脫身就隨便編一個漏洞百出的謊，還說自己是好人。這...不會臉皮太厚了嗎？

小事都不願做好，絕對不會成大器。

八、暈車

有些客人用Ipad或手機來視訊。

重點是，他一支手拿著手機，一支手拿筆寫筆記。他一邊寫，另一支手就一邊搖晃。他做在床上，移動一下，手機就彷彿大海嘯幾下🌊

我一天如果見三個這樣客人，我的視線就搖晃了5個小時。工作完畢後，頭也會痛得厲害，無法完成晚上製片的工作。

沒有自拍器三腳架，也應該有些書本或東西來頂著手機。

各位，多點善心，為我著想一下吧⋯⋯

__________________________

To My Dear Zoom Clients

I have been enduring it for a really really long time. That's it! I am gonna put a stop to this after today and send out this reminder to all my past and future clients.

I am getting on in years, and cannot stand too much stimulation.

Please.... can you guys do a proper Zoom?

Number 1: Going on screen in Zoom = Taking a photograph for your passport.

Since 2020, the passport has become something of an antique but I believe everyone has taken some kind of ID photos! Yes, the ones with your neatly combed trusses where I can see both your ears, nose, mouth, neck, shoulder all the way to your chest.

I would like to see your full face during the Bazi Consultation. Please don't allow half your face to fall off the screen and you end up looking like Zhong Wu Yan! Please also don't hide your mouth making me feel like I am talking to a Arrowana.

When I analyze your facial features, it includes your mouth, teeth and the shape of your mouth while you are talking. Yes, it is down to such level of details.

If your PC / Laptop monitor is too low, please find a book or old newspapers and stack it on top. Please don't let me only see your double chin for that 1.5 hours, as I would probably get the proportion of your face wrong.

Don't keep telling me you are apologetic. Think of a way out.

Number 2: The background lighting.

Too dark, you risk looking like a ghost.

Too bright, I cannot figure out your skin color.

Draw open the curtains, but don't face your back to the sunlight.

If necessary, just turn on the lights!

Number 3: Background images of coconut trees on sandy beaches or the Golden Gate Bridge.

There is no need to put on a virtual background. I only care about how my hone looks, I am not bothered by yours. I am only here to see your Bazi.

If your WIFI signal or your PC / Laptop performance is poor, using the virtual background can often make your Zoom video choppy. Sometimes when you turn your body, one side of your body or some part of your hair will disappear. It's really like one of those spooky movies scaring the wits out of me.

•

Number 4: Background environment and noise.

Some of my overseas clients really put in effort for our Zoom sessions. They bought a headset with a mic so that I can hear them properly and vice versa.

Those that did not use a earphone or a headset often sounded echo-ish, and if they spoke softly, I would have to turn on the volume on my side full throttle and still have a hard time trying to hear them.

There are some clients from Hong Kong and Malaysia who would rent meeting rooms, hotel rooms or private work spaces by the hour so as to reduce any disturbance from others and better focus on the Zoom session with me.

I recalled an interesting incident during the Circuit Breaker last year. A client from Singapore Zoom-ed with me along the corridor outside his house. Most of the time, I was hearing the howling of the winds rather than his voice.

Some clients sat themselves in coffee places for our session. These places are often filled with loud chatters and the clanging of cups and plates, and my ears suffered terribly. Yet, I have to continue to be seen as composed and attentive.

Goodness me, after 2 of such experiences, I decided that I rather refund these clients and never see them again. I have only 1 pair of ears and I want to protect them at all costs!

A normal earpiece that comes with the purchase of a handphone is good enough for Zoom video calls. For clients who do not have a earpiece/headset and a mic, I would end the consultation and refund the monies.

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Number 5: Children

There was once where a session with a female client was repeatedly disrupted by her kids, running in crying for their mother to settle their quarrels. If you have children below 6 years of age, and likely to interrupt our session, I suggest you don't book a consultation with me.

You will be distracted, unable to focus on my advice and I have to wait for you to clear up the situation with your children, eating into the allowable time for me to complete the consultation. This is unfair to both you and me.

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Number 6: I only meet one person, that is the Client.

I have set this requirement the day I stepped into this line of work, and it is clearly written in my booking form. There is no need to try your luck under any circumstances.

But in the space of 2 weeks, there were some clients who rode their luck and got their spouse / child to sit on the other side of the screen to listen in on our consultation.

I never change my stance, and there is no single client that I cannot afford to lose.

If you insist to have your spouse sit in, it is apparent that you do not need me to help transform your destiny. Rather you really need your spouse to put your heart at ease.

If such things happen the next time, I will end the session immediately and refund the fees.

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Number 7: "My first time using Zoom"

But you have 2 full months to prepare before our actual consultation. You did not end up wasting time exploring the software and I wasted 20 mins waiting for you to download the software.

Zoom is an easy software to use but if you did not spend the time to familiarize yourself with it, please quit the lies and tell me directly. I will refund the consultation fees on the spot.

Our moral ethics serve as the foundation for our transformation. Stop weaving web of lies to get out of sticky situations, and still claim that you are a good person. Isn't this too thick-skinned?

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Number 8: Giddy spells

Some clients use Ipad or their handphones for the Zoom session. Crucially, they hold the device with one hand, and take notes with the other. As they write, the other hand holding the phone becomes shaky. If he is doing that on his bed, his handphone would shake like a tsunami wave every time he changes his position.

If I see 3 such clients within a day, it would be 5 hours of shaking visuals for me. That would mean a splitting headache at the end of my work day, and not being able to work on my videos at night.

Even if you don't have a tripod stand, at least prop up the device with a book or something.

Please everyone, please be kind and have mercy on me......

<脫口秀小訣竅中英翻譯-靈感篇>

文長注意!

之前小歐在脫口秀社團po了外國佛心大神脫口秀演員Gary Gulman，在twitter上連載的366個脫口秀小訣竅。

小妹就認領了靈感篇來翻譯。以下為22個小訣竅的中英文對照，若有翻的不盡理想的地方，請留言詳述，我會再看怎麼修改。原文和網誌版會放在留言處，方便大家查看。

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Ideas
靈感

Tip No. 41: You know those quirky little things you do and think? Collect them in a file or on paper. Even if you’re a storyteller, you can use these as details to add depth and distinction to your jokes.
你了解自己做或想的古怪小事嗎? 把他們記錄在紙上或檔案夾裡。即使你是講故事的人，也可以將這些內容作為細節，以增加笑話的深度和特色。

GARY'S FAVORITES
Gary(原作者)的最愛
Tip No. 45: Don’t Hoard Jokes
Don’t worry about “burning” material on a special or album. Hoarding jokes may signal to your brain that you’re out of ideas. “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” — Maya Angelou.
不要囤積笑話。不要怕在演出或專場用光自己累積的材料。囤積笑話會對你的大腦發出信號，暗示你已經沒有想法。如同Maya Angelou所說:”你無法耗盡創意。 你使用的越多，你擁有的就越多。”

Gary’s thoughts on Tip No. 45: This attitude has been crucial to an unprecedented streak of creativity over the last two years. I’ve written four hours of material, which is almost as much as I wrote in my first 23 years of comedy. Most important has been my health, this idea may be second.
Gary對此建議的想法: 在過去兩年中，這種態度對我的前所未有的創造力，有著至關重要的影響。我已經寫了四個小時的素材，這幾乎與我前23年的喜劇寫作一樣多。最重要的是我的健康，這個想法則排名第二位。

Tip No. 62: Look for inspiration everywhere. Paintings, music, poetry, rap, novels, nonfiction, short stories, theater, philosophy, etc. can all provide a spark for creativity. Cross-pollinate your work with broad influences and watch your creativity grow.
在各處尋找靈感。繪畫、音樂、詩歌、饒舌、小說、非小說、短篇故事、戲劇、哲學..等，都可以為創造力提供火花。以廣泛的影響力對你的工作進行異花授粉(原文:cross pollination，藉由風或昆蟲從別的花獲得繁衍的花粉)，並觀察你的創造力增長。

Tip No. 63: Write it all down while the coffee is still telling you you’re mighty. Reread after you’ve turned back into Dr. Banner (yes he’s a genius, but not as self-confident in that condition). That buzz is so valuable but needs editing.
在咖啡發揮效果告訴你”你超棒”的時期，把所有想法寫下來。當你回復成原本的自我 (原文: Dr. Banner，也就是尚未變身成綠巨人浩克的班納博士，是個缺乏自信的天才)時，重讀一次剛才的寫作。思緒激昂(原文:buzz，也有微醺、很鏘的意思)很珍貴，但需要編輯。

GARY'S FAVORITES
Gary(原作者)的最愛
Tip No. 90: After a Good Set, Brainstorm
You just had a great set. Instead of celebrating, use that hour or so after when the synapses are still firing and your confidence is soaring to voice record or write down the ideas that pop up during that especially fertile creative time.
如果你剛完成一場精采的表演，不用太早慶祝，要在大腦突觸仍在觸發、信心爆發、靈感特別豐腴的創作時間裡，把突然出現的想法錄音或寫下，再多花一個小時左右的時間繼續創作吧。

Gary’s thoughts on Tip No. 90: Huge help in making jokes that work longer and coming up with tangents and inspired ideas.
Gary對此建議的想法: 這建議在創作笑話的過程中提供巨大幫助，並提供變化和啟發性的想法。

Tip No. 92: Notice where you do your best thinking. The shower? Running? Listening to music? Not listening to music? Driving? Walking? Make sure to put yourself in the places where you’re doing your best thinking as frequently as possible.
你有注意過你在哪個’場景最能好好思考嗎。沐浴時？跑步時？聽音樂時？不聽音樂時？開車時?走路時？請盡量把自己放在最適合思考的場域。

Tip No. 132: I think you can limit frustration and discouragement by writing just a page on a new premise before trying it out onstage. See if there’s anything there before you spend a day on a new joke. But if you’re truly excited by the new idea, keep going!
我認為你可以在上台試笑話之前，先寫一頁的新前提，這可以限制你的挫敗感和沮喪感。在你花一整天開發新笑話之前，先研究前提是否可挖掘。但是，如果你真心對這個新點子感到興奮，那就放手去做吧!

Tip No. 143: Listen to strangers’ conversations. (I tell myself it’s not impolite if they’re being super-loud.) I got “How Dottie is that?” when a supercilious woman named Jodi bragged “How Jodi is that?” “So Jodi,” her friend replied.
偷聽陌生人的對談(我都告訴自己偷聽並不是沒禮貌的行徑，是他們講話太大聲了)。我有一次聽到一個名叫Jodi的膚淺女人吹噓"How Jodi is that?"，她朋友回覆:"So Jodi"，我因此想出了我的 “How Dottie is that?” 笑話。

Tip No. 157: Need new joke ideas? Be sensitive. If you’re uncomfortable with that word, use “irritable” (or grow up). A lot of good comedy comes from reaction to injustice or discomfort large and small, which requires being hypersensitive to those feelings.
需要新的笑話創意嗎？保持敏感。如果你對這個詞不滿意，請使用“煩躁”(或成長)。 許多優秀喜劇源自於對不平等或不適的大大小小的反應，產生這些感覺都需要保持敏感。

Tip No. 217: “All art is autobiographical. The pearl is the oyster’s autobiography.” — Federico Fellini. Purposefully mine your personal history for your act. Your life is a wellspring. Dig deep.
Federico Fellini說過:“所有藝術都是自傳。珍珠是牡蠣的自傳。”有目的得挖掘你的個人經歷，以作為你的演出。你的生活是靈感之源。請深入挖掘。

Tip No. 241: Many of your favorite writers include the same themes/subjects/objects/interests repeatedly in their work. Don’t be afraid to return again and again to your passions and obsessions to explore and expound.
你最愛的許多作家，都會在他們的作品裡重複探討相同的主題/目標/對象/興趣。不要害怕在你的熱情和沉迷之處，一次又一次得重複探索和闡述。

Tip No. 285: Explore unusual angles in a joke. Example: Examine things from the POV of a child or an Expert. My man Jimmy P and I still laugh over his “Martian response to high school football practice: Why are the hard-heads (players) taking orders from the small soft-heads (coach)?”
在笑話中探索不尋常的觀點。例如：從孩子或專家的視角觀看事物。我和我的兄弟Jimmy P仍會為他的笑話大笑:“火星人對高中足球訓練的反應：為什麼硬頭(球員)會從小型軟頭(教練)那裡得到命令？”

Tip No. 297: One of the miracles of comedy is that you can get redemption for suffering, small and large, by making something funny with it. When you are ready, try to write something funny about your mistakes, setbacks, or even tragedies.
喜劇的奇蹟之一是，藉由使事情變得有趣，你可以從大大小小的苦難中得到救贖。 當你準備就緒時，請嘗試寫一些有關你的錯誤、挫折甚至悲劇的有趣訊息。

Tip No. 298: Skim your life for the unusual events and activities that you can’t believe you were a part of or that people can’t believe you were a part of. Then write about it! Back row No. 93 MULLET:
No. 93後衛MULLET: “瀏覽你一生經歷過的、你或別人不敢相信你參與其中的奇特事件和活動。然後把它寫下來吧!“

Tip No. 310: When it comes to solving the puzzles that are our jokes, draw on every area of knowledge, expertise, and talent. It’s so gratifying to use a fact, a lesson, or a memory from elementary school, high school, or elsewhere to fill in the joke.
在解決我們玩笑的難關時，請利用各個領域的常識、專業知識和才能。用小學、高中或其他地方的事實、課業或回憶來充實笑話，會非常令人滿足。

Tip No. 311: Some of your best ideas will come to you in the shower. There’s science behind why it happens. Get a shower notepad if you have trouble remembering your ideas. Don’t listen to music. Listen to your thoughts. Ruminate on tonight’s set or a new joke.
洗澡時，你可能想到一些最好的點子。這現象的發生原因有科學依據。如果你難以記住自己的想法，請準備淋浴記事本。不要聽音樂。聽你的想法。用今晚的場景或一個新的笑話來反思。

Tip No. 313: Try teaching or informing the audience about something through some of your jokes. We love to learn while being entertained and vice versa. You have knowledge? Put it in your act! Just make sure it’s funny.
試試看通過講笑話來教導或告知聽眾新知識吧。我們喜歡在娛樂的同時學習，反之亦然。你有新知識嗎？把它放在你的演出！只要確保它很有趣就行。

Tip No. 327: Going home for Thanksgiving? Take copious notes! Your family is unique. Being reminded of the dynamics and adding new memories will be great resources for your act. “Family isn’t a word. It’s a sentence.”
逢年過節你會回家和家人團聚嗎？做大量筆記！你的家人是獨一無二的。記住動態場景並添加新的記憶，這會是你表演的寶貴資源。“家庭不是一個詞。 而是一個句子。”

Tip No. 331: There are great stories from our lives that we’re not able to translate into stand-up. Don’t throw them out. Collect those stories in a file for radio and TV and other interview situations.
我們生活中有許多很棒的故事，但我們無法將其轉化為脫口秀。可是不要把它們丟掉。要將這些故事收集在資料夾裡，以後在進行廣播和電視或採訪時可能用的到。

Tip No. 340: Volunteer! Especially if you don’t have a day job. There are so many opportunities to help. You will do good and have something new to write about. In NYC we have New York Cares. One year we decorated an elementary school for Halloween.
如果你沒有正職工作，當志工吧！你會有很多機會能幫助別人。你會做得很好，並有新的事情能寫。在紐約，我們設有紐約關懷中心。今年我們為萬聖節裝飾了一所小學。

Tip No. 358: I have recently started audio recording all notes sessions (for projects), and next time I pitch jokes with a friend I will record that too. It’s very helpful. You will be surprised at what you forgot when you listen back. Ask permission first.
我最近開始錄製所有筆記會話(用於專案)的錄音檔，並且下次我與朋友開玩笑時，我也會錄音。這非常有幫助。當你回聽時，你會驚訝於你忘記了什麼。但錄音前請先徵得許可。

Tip No. 360: Spending holidays with kids? Pay attention to them. Listen to them. Take note and embrace their curiosity and enthusiasm within your writing. (Also avoid the “kids these days” writing. It’s lazy.) Merry Christmas from your second favorite long-haired Jew.
和孩子一起度假嗎？注意觀察他們。聽他們說話。寫下你觀察到的東西並注意，並在寫作中懷抱孩子們的好奇心和熱情。(不要流水帳的寫“現在的小屁孩都如何如何”。這很懶。)你第二喜歡的長髮猶太叔叔在此祝你聖誕快樂(註，原作Gary是猶太人)。

又係一連兩日既音樂之旅，爽啊！

非常明白尋晚可能大家都會可能覺得聲音出左D技術問題，影響左大家既心情，但係怪壇已經作左最大努力去修復，有時候突發既野真係好難好預計，我覺得大家可以放鬆D，我地作為一個嘉賓係完全明白製作單位，亦唔會怪佢地，簡單講唔通我唱錯一粒音走一粒音怪壇又走去怪我？當然對受影響既棒場觀眾講聲抱歉。😔

依家出左個聲音修復版，大家有時間既話可以聽番，其實今次都好好玩！熱血沸騰既呢.....😂好多謝幕後一班朋友，今次我鐵膽band成員，大家越夾越好，430又近一點了😂，阿中出左一題 Time is running out，其實星期三同佢講我放棄，但阿中居然同我講我得既，試下啦，突然對我咁有信心，佢傻傻地，呢首野攪到我無覺好訓，真係想 running out 啊😅，最係硬住頭皮唱啦只好。

星期五我出左招留力王，其實都唔算係好留力既，每首都好比心機唱，只係唔唱D太高難度既歌擔心影響星期六姐，FB YT同播亦慢慢開始搵到平衡，FB 亦中斷過一次，但YT就接住無斷，所以兩者各有好處，喜歡靜靜地聽下我吹水聽下歌既，可以去YT，如果想互動性大D可以去番FB，兩邊都有好有唔好，自己選擇。

有幾位一直支持我既朋友尋日可以親臨現場睇Show，非常熱情亦好好玩，我評價係可以再放D，有野即管講，唔駛講得唔好意思，好似有位自認係葉太既朋友(當然唔係事實講下笑咁解)，我好佩服佢當場講出黎，我覺得無問題啊，氣氛亦好好，大家都好開心。知道係一個娛樂就可以，舒服開心最重要。感謝你地陪我瘋癲到深夜，唔知難唔難搵車呢？

我好耐之前講過我唔鐘意分高低你我，亦盡力希望大家係抱住好玩既心情黎，我並唔係大家既心理醫生，我只係一個鐘意唱歌，希望帶比大家正能量，如果希望我可以私下安慰大家既話，對唔住我並不是適合人選，我向來性格喜歡報喜不報憂，即係我就算係病左都係我自己責任嘛，有一次我痛風發作，我都係笑去面對，照舊盡力去做好佢，當然多謝大家慰問但其實我自己都一定撐得住係咪先，所以我會以開心為首選，其實下次我會選擇唔講，咁樣應該仲好D😅😅😅

我知道你地可能因為我既直播結緣，有D仲成為好朋友，我完全唔會去干涉你地既權利，不過我希望大家玩係可以，但有兩個禁忌真係唔好出現，就係"排斥"同"妒忌"，我只需要"隨心"舒服"就可以了。

好喇，長話短說到呢度啦，我好好休息，星期五 2130見！