關於 what is a female driver called ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

Y-sandal and my race

I have a cousin who becomes a single mom after her divorce. Her ex-husband, who is a motorcycle taxi driver, does not have money to pay for child support. Her income is barely enough for her to scape by. One day, she called me to ask whether she should borrow 2000 USD to fix the ugly stretch marks on her belly after childbirth.

Prior to her call, I have always thought she looks fine, petite and cute. Who would have known what is underneath the clothes of a single mom?

She explained that she would like to remove the excess belly skin to feel confident when she puts on a bikini. This will help her find a good husband. Otherwise, it would scare away any guys who see her belly the way it is.

She never took her top off and I was terrified upon hearing that. I asked:

- How often do you go to the beach each year?

- Once per year

- So between now and when you are 35, when you are still confident wearing a bikini, do you think that you’ll go to the beach 5 or 6 times?

- But I will get married again and don’t see myself staying single forever. With this belly, I am too shy to meet new people.

I gave birth to three children and was lucky enough that I didn’t get any stretch mark, perhaps that’s why I can’t see her issue. However, I know what she wants.

- Let me ask you something, when you got married before, did you have a stretched skin?

- No

- Then why did you still marry a bastard? The issue is that you have realised that even beauty, youth, virginity, love and the bravery in your 20’s still couldn’t bring you a good man. And you have yet to learn from that?

- ??? (she was confused but still didn’t understand the issue).

- When you take your beautiful flat tummy to bet, he still left you, abused you, cheated on you, talked about you behind your back and turned his back against you. Now you are making the same mistake again. You value six days on the beach and is willing to compromise other important qualities in life such as your financial hardship. It will take you four years to re-pay the $2,000 debt. You could use that money for your child’s education, food or even for you. And yet you want to compromise it in order to please an unknown man, then I guarantee that you will just encourage the selfishness and ignorance of your future partner. You will lose more than gain anything.

A man who gives him the right to ask you what you can’t have is a selfish man. Why do you feel the need to be beautiful for him?

An understanding man will accept you. A man who is taught not to insult women will not leave you because of one such minor thing. Because he loves you, not your flat tummy.

I hope you will find a good man, or an understanding man.

Ask him to go for a swim, so that he can see your belly before he says that he loves you. If he changes his mind, you are not wasting your time. And if he understands you and loves you, that is also because of your frankness.

Long time ago, I read an Australian book, the male character was shocked to find out, upon undressing the female character, that she didn’t have a breast and was as flat as a man. After the initial shock, he laughed and kissed the woman “ Only cows are crazy about breast. As for me, I need you, a woman I love, not a cow!”.

And I assure you, there are many good men out there. Only you can give him opportunities to show his good qualities.

我是國榮。來自澳洲昆士蘭省，讀中學時成績非常好，分數已足夠在大學選讀任何一科。當時我希望成為一名醫生，因為可以幫助他人。我在新南威爾斯大學讀醫科，第一年是住在雪梨北區一個朋友家中，第二年入住大學國際宿舍，宿舍規定最少有半數是留學生，不是澳洲人。最先兩年結識了不少香港、新加玻、馬來西亞的朋友，與他們很合得來，不過最重要是入住宿舍後，便遇到了香港的流行歌曲。有一天我行經走廊時，聽到一些很悅耳的音樂，我便問同學這是甚麽歌曲及可否借給我欣賞，他便借了給我。我已忘記是Leslie還是Alan的歌，但肯定是其中一位。因為很喜歡這些歌曲，便到唐人街購買，後來一邊聽歌一邊看歌詞，因此慢慢地學識了很多中文字。
因為喜歡唱歌，所以在大學的同學活動，開始演唱中文歌，也曾參加香港學生會舉辦的歌唱比賽，參賽歌曲是「愛的根源」，結果獲得亞軍。我很清楚記得，國際宿舍為了文化交流，每年舉辦一次國際晚宴，希望不同種族的學生可以表演和分享文化。Leslie在一九八五年 唱Monica獲得獎項，那是一首我很喜歡的歌曲，所以在文化交流晚會我便選擇唱Monica。當時同學覺得很驚奇，我怎可能唱Monica。我是跟着錄影帶，學習他的舞步和唱歌技巧。我不停地在公眾地方練習，其他同學看到我很用心練習，也過來幫助我。在台上表演時有幾位同學為我伴舞，當晚演出非常成功。
一九八五年Leslie和幾位香港天皇巨星，來澳洲開演唱會。演唱會的主辦公司，需要義務司機，朋友問我能否當義務司機。我答應了，後來知道是當Leslie的司機。有一天他放假不用排練，我們便駕車往坎培拉，當日天氣多雲有微雨，甚麽也看不清楚，喝過咖啡後便離開，回程是Leslie駕駛，他的英語非常好，途中我們愉快地暢談，這次旅程對我來說是很重要的事情。
一九八六年Alan到來澳洲，我又當了他的司機。在他入住的酒店，介紹人在偶像面前，誤把我的名字說成河詠麟，當時在偶像面前我也不懂怎樣矯正。大約有兩年很多人以為我是河詠麟。他的四位女和音，知道我懂得唱他的歌，所以告訴了他，在排練那天他叫我上台一起唱。認識Leslie 和Alan兩位巨星，對我的影響很大，聽到他們的歌，和看到觀眾的反應，我開始對香港的歌唱發展很重視。
因為常常想着唐人街和唱歌，沒有用功讀書，因此醫科的第三年考試不合格，需要重讀，在一九八六年重讀了三個月便決定退學。
後來做了三份洗碗碟工作，還做了個多月砌磚的工作，我把工作一年多，所得工資儲起來，買了一張單程機票和帶了一千澳元，便到來香港發展。唯一的準備是問一個朋友能否到他的家中居住。他的父親很勉強地答應，但需要收租金。我甚麽準備也沒有，只是刻意買了一張單程機票，是因為不想遇到少許困難便放棄，返回澳洲。
初到香港時甚麼都不認識，沒有計劃，也沒有朋友。我最先是住在廣播道，但我的朋友不是在那裡居住，因為他還在讀書。初來時沒有事做，所以在外面逛了幾天，有一天意外地行到紅磡體育館，中門外有四名男士在吸煙，他們竟然叫我河詠麟。原來他們是Alan的樂隊成員，在一九八六年見過面，但相隔一年，竟然還可以記起我，這就是緣分。當時Alan正在為演唱會排練，他們帶我進去體育館，這樣便再見到Alan。一九八七年的演唱會是三十一場，我看了三十場。本來打算看足三十一場，但是有少許問題出現，因為我住的地方有規定，晚上十時半後便會關門，不會再讓人進出。但演唱會是不會這麽早便完場，每晚看完演唱會，我會行去尖沙嘴，然後再步行回廣播道，然後在公園外的石椅小睡，到五時公園開門便進去睡覺，但最終因捱不住，有一晚沒有去看演唱會。有一次Alan突然問我，今晚可否上台唱歌，我說當然可以，便成為他的嘉賓。我第一次表演Alan十分開心，但第二次他在台上介紹，有一個外國人，唱他的歌十分出色，當他呼喚河詠麟出場，因為我不在場，所以沒有出現。後來他問我為何沒有出現，我便向他解釋原因，他便安排我入住酒店，直到演唱會完結。所以便有第三次呼喚我上台，這是我第二次成為嘉賓跟他一起唱「朋友」，真是十分興奮。到八月他的生日會也有邀請我做嘉賓，其實每一件發生的事情都是有關係的。
後來我在北角僑冠大厦租了一間劏房居住，有一次從北角行到中環，看到一間職業介紹公司的招聘啟示，我便前往應徵。當時職員說我可以教英文，但我不是教師，他認為沒有問題，便介紹我到一間補習社工作。在補習社工作了幾個月，有一位同事看到一張電視台的海報，需要招聘 一個西方人，但要懂得說中文。我致電應徵，他是一位獨立經紀，我說沒有經驗和廣東話也不是很好，他說沒有問題。我便去見一位電視台女監製，她給我一段英文劇本，要我讀出來。因為很緊張，五分鐘都不能出聲，我跟自己說，不嘗試會後侮一生。那一段對白是警官責備下級，責備人一定是很大聲的，所以我便很大聲說出來。當時她正在做自己的事，沒有再理會我，但我的叫聲使她大吃一驚。因為沒有其他外國人給她選擇，她無奈地聘請了我，這套劇集需要兩個西方人，另外一位是當主角，從那時開始，便在電視台工作了二十年。
二零一四年九月我在N o w T V的一個音樂節目做嘉賓，在一間音樂室裡我和三位節目主持人，唱歌和談論音樂。到最近才知道，他們三位是100毛的老闆。到聖誕100毛找我拍攝雜誌封面，我不知為何找我拍攝封面，原來三位老闆是認識我的，只是我自己不知道。
二零一五年八月他們聯絡我，他們有一首歌，問我會否願意演唱，那首歌曲我很熟悉，歌詞十分口語化，應該可以學到的。但當時是星期五，表演是在星期日，只得兩天時間作準備，所以我很用心練習。舞台是有電視屏幕可以看到歌詞，但我盡量避免看電視屏幕，只是有需要時才看一看，便可以放心地唱。能夠上台非常開心，我可以扮了演一個角色，唱一首悅耳和有趣的歌，觀眾很熱鬧和興奮，真是十分難得。我知道這是一生一次，這不是自己可以做到，是他們給我機會。那首歌很受歡迎，而且登上了流行榜。聖誕節前他們聯絡我，表示將會舉辦總選，問我會否參加，我便欣然答應了。當天每位表演者，會有兩首歌曲，在十二月廿六日接到新歌，我從沒有聽過那首歌，是一首說唱歌曲，而且歌詞很陌生，對我來說十分困難，所以我不停地練習了四百多次。當晚表演由Now T V直播，有七十萬人觀看，想不到自己能夠獲得香港區最受歡迎男歌星獎，當宣佈我的名字時，極度開心，無人能想到，唱出真香港的歌曲，是由一個西方人唱出，可以感動到別人。這是天時地利人和，超乎現實，簡直是一個奇蹟。因為那首歌不是我揀選，是別人給我的，練習這首歌時眼睛常常都會充了滿淚水和很感動。
西方人在香港發展演藝事業是十分困難的，機會不多，只能扮演一些無關重要的角色，但我從來沒有想過放棄。五年前我計劃灌錄一張唱片，因為胃酸倒流，把聲帶灼傷，使我聲音變得沙啞，這件事使我非常懊惱，因為辛苦練習多年，卻發生了這個問題，後來我矯正了唱歌方法，問題得以改善，可以繼續唱歌，現在準備為唱片再進行錄音工作。
最近有很多關於少數族裔的事情出現在我身上 ，現在我為一個港台節目做旁白，是關於少數族裔在香港。他們在本地娛樂圈發展是十分困難，因為在一個有九成是同一種族的地方，看電視或電影，也是會看自己的種族，未必會看少數族裔。如果他們幾個人合作，做一個節目，然後在網上發放，是有機會成功。香港有很多少數族裔居住，有些人的中文比我好，他們也愛香港。
我心目中的香港人，是要做香港人做的事，吃香港人吃的食物，關心香港，不看膚色，希望他們也能說廣東話，最重要是覺得香港是自己的家，這便是真正的香港人。

I am Gregory. I hail from Queensland, Australia. During my high school years, my grades were excellent. They were good enough for me to enroll in any subject that I wanted to in university. At that time, I wanted to become a doctor because I could help others. I studied Medicine at the University of New South Wales. In my first year, I lived in my friend’s home located in North Sydney. During my second year, I lived in International House at the university. It was a rule for the school campus to have at least 50 percent overseas students. They cannot be Australians. I met a lot of Hong Kong, Singaporean and Malaysian friends in my first two years. I was able to get along with them very well. But what is most important was that after living in International House, I came across Hong Kong pop music. One day I was walking along the corridors and overheard beautifully melodic music. I asked my classmate what music he was listening to and if he could lend me the music to listen to. He leant it to me.
I have forgotten whether it was the music of Leslie or Alan. But I am sure it was one of them because I really liked that kind of music. I went to Chinatown to buy it. Eventually, I listened to the music as I read the lyrics. In turn, I slowly picked up a lot of Chinese characters.
I attended many different functions to perform Cantonese songs in university because I really liked to sing. I also attended a singing competition organized by the Hong Kong student association. The competition song was ‘Root of Love’. In the end I won second runner-up. I clearly remember International House wanted to organize cultural exchanges so they held international banquets each year. Their hope was for students from different ethnic backgrounds to perform and share their culture.
In 1985, Leslie won an award for singing ‘Monica’. It was a song that I really loved. During the international cultural exchange banquet, I chose to sing ‘Monica’. At that time my classmates were very surprised. How can I sing ‘Monica’? I followed the videos to learn the dance steps and singing techniques. I kept on practicing in public. Other students witnessed how hard I was practicing and came over to help me out. A few classmates became my accompanying dancers as I danced on stage. The performance that night was extremely successful.
Leslie and a group of Hong Kong superstars visited Australia to hold concerts in 1985. The concert organizer needed a voluntary driver. My friends asked me whether I wanted to be the voluntary driver. I accepted the offer. In the end I found out that I would become Leslie’s driver. There was one day when he was on break and did not need to rehearse. We drove to Canberra. It was cloudy and there was light rain on that day. We could not see clearly. After having a coffee, we left. Leslie was next to drive. His English was very good. During the journey back we chatted happily. The trip was very important to me.
In 1986, Alan came to Australia. I was also his driver. Our mutual friend misread my name as “Ho Wing Lun” in front of my idol during his stay at the hotel. I was not able to correct him at the time because Alan (“Wing Lun”) was my idol. Many people thought I was called “Ho Wing Lun” for around two years. His four back-up singers knew I was able to sing Alan’s songs. That was why they told him about it. During rehearsal day, he told me to sing with him on stage. Knowing superstars like Leslie and Alan had a great impact on me. To be able to listen to their songs and to witness the reactions from the audience led me to become interested in a singing career in Hong Kong.
I did not put in a lot of effort in my studies because I always thought of Chinatown and singing. Consequently, I failed my medical examinations in my third year. I had to re-take my subjects. In 1986, I re-took my studies for three months but then I decided to quit school.
In the end I juggled three dish washing jobs and also many months of brick laying work. I saved up a whole year of my salary and bought a one-way ticket to Hong Kong. I also carried $1000 Australian dollars on me. I then went to Hong Kong to develop my career. I only asked my friend whether I could stay at his place as preparation to living in my new homeland. His father reluctantly agreed but had to receive rent. I did not have anything equipped or prepared. I only purposely bought a one-way ticket because I did not want to easily give up when I encountered minor difficulties and return to Australia.
When I first arrived in Hong Kong, I did not know anything. I did not have any plans. I also did not have any friends. Initially, I lived in Broadcast Drive but my friend did not live there because he was still studying. I did not have anything to do at first. That was why I hung around Hong Kong for several days. One day, by coincidence, I came across Hung Hom Coliseum. At the entrance, there were four men smoking. They noticed me and surprisingly called out “Ho Wing Lun”. They were, in fact, members of Alan’s band. We have first met in 1986. Surprisingly, they remembered me after a whole year. That is called fate. At that time, Alan was preparing for his concert. The four men brought me inside the Coliseum. I saw Alan. There were 31 shows in his 1987 concert. I watched 30 of them. I intended to watch all 31 shows but there was a slight problem. There were rules at my guest house. After ten thirty each night, the door to the home will be locked. Nobody was allowed to enter or leave the house. But concerts do not end so early. So, after watching each concert in the evening, I would walk to Tsim Sha Tsui and then walk back to Broadcast Drive. I would sleep on the concreate seats outside the park. When the park opens at five in the morning, I will go in and sleep. Eventually, I was unable to handle it. One night I cannot watch a show. Once Alan asked me “Can you sing on stage tonight?” I told him “Of course I can.” I became his special guest. Alan was extremely happy when I first performed. By the second show, he announced that: “There is a westerner who can sing my songs very well.” He called out my name “Ho Wing Lun!” But because I was not at the scene, I did not show up. Eventually, he asked me why I did not show up. I explained my reason to him. He then arranged a hotel for me to stay at until the end of the concert. That was why he was able to call me out the third time! That was my second time as special guest singing “Friends” with him. It was exhilarating. In August, he introduced me as a special guest at his birthday party. Actually, everything happens for a reason and everything is interconnected.
Soon after, I rented a tiny flat at a building in North Point to live in. I walked from North Point to Central once. I came across a recruitment agency looking to hire. I went in to give it a shot. At that time, the staff said I could teach English but I was not a teacher. The staff said it was not a problem and introduced me to work at a learning center. After working there for a few months, a colleague saw a TV station’s poster. They were looking to recruit a westerner but that person needs to be able to speak Cantonese. I called to give it a try. The person who answered was an independent agent. I told that agent I had no experience and my Cantonese was not very good. The agent told me it was not a problem. I went to see the TV station’s female producer. She gave me an English script and wanted me to read it out. I was so nervous that I did not utter a word in five minutes. I told myself, if I do not try, I will regret it for life. The dialogue depicted a police telling off a subordinate. When you tell someone off, you must be very loud so, I read my lines out very loudly. At that time, the female producer was doing her own work and did not care about me but because I was so loud, I frightened her! As there were no other westerners for her to choose from, she had no choice but to hire me. The TV show required two westerners. The other westerner played the main character. From then onwards, I worked at the TV station for twenty years.
In September 2014, I appeared as a guest on a NowTV music program. I was in a band room with the three show hosts. We sang and discussed music. Only recently, I found out that they were the Founders of 100 Most. When it was Christmas, 100 Most invited me to appear on the cover of their magazine. I did not know why they wanted me to do it – only to find out that the Founders of the magazine already knew who I was! It was just me who did not know that.
In August 2015, 100 Most contacted me and asked me whether I wanted to sing this particular song. I was very familiar with the song lyrics. The lyrics were very colloquial. I should be able to learn it. It was Friday. The performance was on Sunday. I only had two days to prepare for it. That was why I practiced very hard. The stage showcased the lyrics. But I tried my best not to look at them. I would only glance at them when I needed to. I felt more confident and assured as I sang.
I was extremely elated to be able to perform on stage. I can play a role singing a wonderful and amusing song. The audience was super warm and excited. It was a moment to be treasured. I know this can only happen once in my life. It cannot be done by myself. It is because I was given a chance by 100 Most. The song was very popular and hit the charts. Before Christmas, 100 Most contacted me and expressed that there would be a final election of the songs. They asked me whether I would like to participate. I was more than happy to give it a try. On the day of the show, each contestant would have two songs.
On the 26th of December, I received the new song. I have never heard of the song before. It was a rap song. I was very unfamiliar with the lyrics. I found them very difficult. That was why I kept practicing it for more than four hundred times. The show was broadcasted live by NowTV. Around seven hundred thousand people watched the broadcast. I cannot imagine winning the Best Hong Kong Male Singer. When my name was announced, I was extremely delighted. Nobody can imagine that a westerner was able to sing a song about ‘real Hong Kong’. It can touch people. It was something that happened at the right place and at the right time. It was also surreal and a complete miracle. It is because the song was not selected by me. It was given to me by others. My eyes were often wet from practicing this song. I was very touched.
It is very difficult for westerners to develop their artistry in the entertainment industry. Chances are slim. They can only play roles that are irrelevant and unimportant. But I never thought of giving up. Five years ago I planned to record my own album. But because of stomach acid reflux, my vocal chords got damaged. My voice became hoarse and coarse. It brought me a lot of frustrations because I have worked hard for many years. Then this happened. I then amended my singing techniques and the issue improved significantly. I was able to sing again. I am now working on re-recording my new album.
A lot of ethnic minority issues materialized around me as of late. I am currently the voice over for a RTHK program about ethnic minorities in Hong Kong. It is very hard for them to develop their career in the local entertainment industry. It is because when 90 percent of the people share the same skin color comes together in a particular place, those watching TV or film will tend to watch people of their own skin color. They may not watch ethnic minorities. If a group of ethnic minorities work together to create a program for the web, it may work out. There are a lot of ethnic minorities residing in Hong Kong. Some of their Chinese is better than mine. They also love Hong Kong very much.
‘Hong Kongers’, to me, are people who need to do things ‘Hong Kongers’ do. Eat Hong Kong food. Care about Hong Kong. And do not look at skin color. I hope they can also speak Cantonese. Most importantly, they should regard Hong Kong as their home. Then, they are ‘real Hong Kongers’.

In first grade, a boy named John— a notorious troublemaker—systematically chased every girl in our class during recess trying to kiss her on the lips. Most gave in eventually. It was easier to give in than keep running. When it was my turn, I turned and faced him, grabbed his glasses off his weasel face, and stomped on them on the hard blacktop. He ran to the principal’s office and cried.

In fifth grade, I was asked to be a boy’s girlfriend over email. It was the first email I ever received. He actually told me he wanted to send me an email, so I went home and made an AOL account. We went to a carnival and he won me a Garfield stuffed animal, and then he gave me a 3 Doors Down CD. A few days later, he broke up with me, and asked for Garfield and the CD back. I said no.

In sixth grade, a girl in my year gave head to an eighth grader in the back of the school bus while playing Truth or Dare.

In the summer after sixth grade, I kissed a boy for the first time at sleep away camp. He was my summer love. During the end-of-the-summer dining hall announcements, where kids usually announced lost sweatshirts and Walkmen, an older girl stepped up to the microphone, tossed her hair behind her shoulders, and proudly stated, “I lost something very precious to me last night. My virginity. If anyone finds it, please let me know.” The dining hall erupted into laughter and cheers. She was barred from ever coming back to the camp again, and wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to anyone.

In seventh grade, I told my brother I decided when I was older wanted a Hummer. What I really meant was I wanted a Jeep, but I didn’t know a lot about cars. My mother overheard and screamed at me for “wanting a Hummer.”

In the summer after freshman year of high school, I went to sleepaway field hockey camp with many of my close friends. One of them, named Megan, I had been friends with since kindergarten. One night when I was showering, she ripped open the curtain and snapped a photo of me on her disposable camera. I screamed. She laughed. We both laughed when I got out of the shower a few minutes later. After camp was over, her father took the camera to the convenience store to get it developed. When he gave the finished photos back to her, he said, “Your friend [Anonymous] has grown up.”

Sophomore year of high school, one of my best friends Hilary had a party in her basement while her mom was away. We invited some of the guys in our grade and someone’s older brother bought us a handle of vodka. One of the boys who came sat next to me in Spanish class. His name was Thomas. I remember playing a simple game, where we passed the bottle of vodka around in a circle and drank. I remember being happily tipsy and having fun, to suddenly being very drunk. Thomas and I started chanting numbers in Spanish, and he leaned towards me and kissed me. We kissed in the middle of the party, with all of our friends cheering. Then we went into Hilary’s bedroom.

Hilary’s bedroom was in the basement, on the ground floor, with a large window next to her bed. When someone went outside to smoke a cigarette, they realized it was a front row seat to what was happening in the bedroom. It was dark outside, and the light on was in the bedroom. They called everyone outside to watch. I don’t remember getting undressed, but apparently we were both completely naked in Hilary’s bed. A friend of mine told me later she tried to open the door and stop what was happening, but Thomas must have locked it. They said they pounded on the door. I don’t remember hearing them pounding. I don’t remember seeing everyone’s faces outside the window. I remember Thomas holding my head down, and shoving his penis into my mouth. I remember trying to resist, pulling back, but he held his hands firmly on my head, pushing my face up and down. That’s all that I remember.

The next day, my friends and I went out to dinner at one of our favorite local restaurants. I couldn’t eat anything, and it wasn’t because I was hung over. Every time I tried to put food in my mouth, I felt like I was choking. Anytime a flash of the night before appeared in my mind, I felt like vomiting. My friends sat with me in silence. Then they told me a girl named Lindsey, who had briefly dated Thomas freshman year, had stood outside and watched the entire time. Even after everyone else stopped watching. My friends said they didn’t watch.

On Monday, Thomas and I sat next to each other in Spanish. We didn’t speak. We didn’t make eye contact. I went to the girls bathroom and threw up. I hear Lindsey and Thomas live together, now, ten years later.

Junior year of high school, my teacher for Honors Spanish was named Señor Gonzales. Señor Gonzales had all of the girls sit in the front row. Señor Gonzales called on any girl who was wearing a skirt to write on the chalkboard. Señor Gonzales asked a friend of mine, who had broken her finger playing an after school sport, if she broke her finger because “she liked it rough.” Señor Gonzales was a tenured teacher.

Senior year of high school, I got my first real boyfriend. His name was Colin. He was on the lacrosse team with Thomas. He told me that sophomore year, Thomas told everyone on the team what happened that night at Hilary’s. Everyone cheered. Colin said that, even then, he had a crush on me. Even then, he wanted to punch Thomas.

Colin and I lost our virginities to each other. Colin said if I got pregnant, he would make me have the baby. He didn’t believe in abortion. Colin said if I got pregnant, he would make me have a C-section. Colin said that if I didn’t have a C-section, my vagina would be too loose for him to ever enjoy having sex with me again. Colin said that he wouldn’t let our child breastfeed. He said his mother gave him formula, and that he turned out just fine. I didn’t get pregnant.

Junior year of college, I lived in Denmark for the spring semester and studied at the University of Copenhagen. Copenhagen is one of the safest cities in the world. Guns are illegal there. Pepper spray is illegal there. One night, my friends and I went to a concert at a crowded club in a part of the city I didn’t know very well. I brought a tiny purse with money, my apartment key, and my international cell phone. For some reason it made sense at the time to put my purse inside my friend’s purse. Maybe I didn’t feel like carrying it. We were both drinking. My friend left the concert to go home with her boyfriend. One by one, everyone I was there with left the concert, until I was suddenly alone and I realized I didn’t have my purse, or any money for a cab ride home.

I started walking in the direction that felt right. I walked for a long time. I had no idea where I was, and didn’t recognize the area. It was almost 4 am. I was on a residential street when a cab pulled up next to me. I asked the driver if he could drive me to an intersection down the street from my apartment.

I don’t have any money, I said.

I really need your help, I said.

I will do it for free, he said.

Sit in the front, he said.

I sat in the front. We drove in silence for some time, until he pulled over on the side of a dark street.

I don’t want to do it for free anymore, he said.

He locked the car doors and reached across the center console and slipped his hand up my skirt. He grabbed my vagina. Hard. I pushed his hand away and unlocked the door. I ran down the street and realized he had taken me a block away from the intersection I wanted. I walked to my apartment and threw rocks at my roommate’s window until she let me inside. She yelled at me for waking her up. I escaped. Nothing happened. I was fine.

The summer after I graduated college I helped Hilary find an internship. She was an art major and wanted something for her resume besides waitressing. We found a posting on Craigslist to be a studio assistant for a painter in the Bronx. It was listed as an unpaid internship. The toll for the George Washington Bridge was twelve dollars, plus gas, but she got the internship anyway. She wanted the experience.

The artist was a 38-year-old Canadian painter named Bradley. Hilary was 22.There was another intern there, an art student from Manhattan named Stella. Bradley needed assistants to help him make bubble wrap paintings. Stella and Hilary would take a syringe and fill the tiny bubbles with different color paints until it formed a mosaic. Bradley always had Hilary stay after Stella left to clean the paintbrushes and syringes. He told Hilary she was beautiful. More beautiful than his wife, who he only married for citizenship. He told Hilary they had a loveless marriage. He told Hilary he wanted to have her beautiful children. They began an affair. He told Hilary has wife knew and didn’t care. He told Hilary he was going to leave his wife soon.

Everyday Hilary drove to the Bronx, cleaned Bradley’s paintbrushes, and had sex on the studio floor. Everyday she went home with no money, and everyday she paid the toll at the George Washington Bridge. She needed the internship for her resume, she said. It was too late to find a new job, she said.

I could go on. I could tell you a lot more. About the whistles on the sidewalk, the kids who sat at the bottom of the stairs in high school to look up our skirts, my friend who was a prostitute in South Carolina, the men who’ve cornered me in parking lots and bars calling me a tease, the unwanted grabbing on the subway, the many times my father has called me fat, the time I traveled to the Philippines and discovered Western men pay preteen locals to spend the week in their hotel, the messages on OKCupid asking to “fart in my mouth.” About how I wasn’t sure if I had been raped because I was drunk and kissed Thomas back. How he raped my mouth and not my vagina, so that must not be rape. How easy it was for me to escape the dark street in Copenhagen, and how that made it not matter since “it could’ve been worse.”

Men have no idea what it takes to be a woman. To grin and bear it and persevere. The constant state of war, navigating the relentless obstacle course of testosterone and misogyny, where they think we are property to be owned and plowed. But we’re not. We are people, just like them. Equals, in fact, or at least that’s the core of what feminism is still trying to achieve. The job is not over. We’ve made great progress. There are female CEOs, though not very many. There are females writing for the New York Times and winning Pulitzer prizes, though not very many. There are female politicians, though not very many. But these advances are only on paper. The job won’t be over until equality permeates the air we breathe, the streets we walk and the homes we live in.

I think back to how easy it was for me, in first grade, to feel fearless and strong in my conviction to stomp on John’s glasses. I felt right in reacting how I did, because John’s behavior was wrong. But his was an elementary learning of the wide boundaries his gender would go on to afford him. For me, it would never again be so easy.

— Anonymous, age 25

(source: ibelieveyouitsnotyourfault.tumblr.com)