[LONG POST ALERT]
Living life on the edge. Alot of people ask why I have so much energy to do so many things. To be honest, I don't and I am often struggling with extreme fatigue and stress because I try to do so many things at one time.
Why? I use my #adhd as an excuse to say my brain doesn't want me to rest and I need to keep moving. Beneath it all, I feel weak and vulnerable. Since young, I was skinny and frail and often times I feel I wasn't heard, that people didn't value my opinion, or people would bully. The kindness I show to others wasnt valued and in turn I end up being taken for granted and hurt myself.
Till today, exercising is still challenging. My non-athletic genes (or maybe lazy habits) from my family means I get tired pretty easily. Day in day out, I keep myself moving despite just wanting to sleep in really badly. Some wonder why I torture myself this way! 😂 But, the feeling of being strong is very addictive for me. I want it, and I need it - for my sanity. It became the driving force for me to keep doing, knowing that if I put my heart and effort into it, I too, can become strong. When stress kicks in and I feel like giving up, this becomes an important boost to propel me on.
It's not easy being a fitness trainer because people expect us to be strong. But many times I feel inadequate and not up to it, the feeling that my clients can potentially be stronger than me. That again, put a fair amount of stress that keeps pushing me to train harder.
Now coming 40, my body suddenly feels vulnerable. Recovery takes forever, and I get tired so easily that people started judging.. 'Huh why are u so tired from just a short run?' 'climbing isn't so tiring what isn't it?' I could easily do 2 classes back then but now things are definitely slowing down. I am often so tired I forget things, couldn't focus, and trying v hard to do my work well. I don't know how much longer I can last keeping up with the activities that I enjoy doing, but let's see when I'm 40 next year.
Be kind, because everyone is trying. Everyone has their struggles, and everyone starts from a different starting line. It's nice to see 6 packs but it's even more inspiring seeing the effort to get there.
