I try to take naps when Aaron does but if I’m up before him, here’s how my afternoons are like. I snack on cookies, sip ginger tea and reply your messages on Instagram.
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sip meaning 在 Aida Azlin Facebook 的最讚貼文
Here’s one of my favourite stories about a thief, a saint and a cup of tea and how it truly taught me the meaning of kindness!
sip meaning 在 鋼鐵媽媽的Andrew與山姆 Iron Mom’s Andrew & Sam Facebook 的精選貼文
7. 🌸 Sharon
I enjoy all the beauties and the good in life: a bouquet of flowers, rainbows, the delicacy of porcelain china, the touch of snuggly fabrics, the scent of nature, the list could go on and on.
Samuel and I married early, we bought our first apartment with limited budget, I still tried hard to make the most of it to fit my “perfection”.
The small balcony was filled with plants and flowers. It was my secret garden, I can sip my cup of coffee and watch my greens all morning.
Not just the balcony; my kitchen was equipped with aesthetic and functional silverware and pots; I knocked down the tiles provided by the construction company, just to choose my own tiles, not to mention what I went through to find the right fabric and color for those hand towels.
Thus, I can not accept the fact that I was going to spend the rest of my life in a wheel-chair.
There was no more perfection.
The first year was the darkest time in my life. It felt like decades. No matter how hard I tried to squirm out of the whirlpool of darkness, the more I struggled, the more I was sucked into it. I was drowning.
There’s so much than what you see “a person in a wheelchair” who’s paralyzed. You don’t have bladder control, you suffer dysautonomia which simply means you have pains and cramps sending to your system by your damaged nerves. There are also issues like obesity, osteoporosis, and kidney, heart and lungs problems.
My stubborn tumor cuts me from T8-9, meaning from about 3 cm above my belly button until my waist down, I don’t feel a thing, and I can’t budge a toe. All of a sudden, from 167 cm tall, I became 125cm. With that height, I can’t see the faces of people, I can’t smell the fresh air, and no more scenic views for me.
Due to the PTSD, I started to lose weight, but with no balance and muscle to straighten my back, my tummy always stuck out. I looked like a shrimp that has a 6 months belly in a wheel chair. I had to throw out all my tight and pretty clothes in change of clothes that could cover up the bulging tummy, and easy to put on pants with elastic waists. My beloved shoes had to go too, my feet are easily swollen, I need bigger shoes.
My choice of clothing and trend was banished.
The nerve pains follow me EVERY SINGLE DAY, 24-7. The medications can only do so much. Isn’t it an irony? I can’t feel my son’s hands touching my legs. Or someone just come and pinch me, let me get some real pain here. Nope, they are all gone. Dealing with the pains of my body takes up most of my energy everyday.
I had to record everything that I take in and out too. I had to decide to rely on adult diapers or to use catheter. My pride and frustration was about to explode. It took one year with the help of my doctor to understand my body and find the way that I was most comfortable with.
My legs are paralyzed, and my weight kept on dropping. Physically and mentally I was a mess.
I could never get to my balcony anymore; my pretty tiles had handles on them; my velvet dresser chair became an obstacle for my wheel chair, so it had to go.
My porcelain tea cups were too high for me to reach. I can no more decorate my table exactly the way I want to.
These were nothing compared to how I had to pretend everything was alright with in front of Andrew. He was two, and he was just ecstatic mommy wasn’t leaving him every two to three months. I played and laughed with him everyday, until he sleeps.
But it was a pretty pass.
I have witnessed him tumbling down the stairs in a friend’s house. I was right there! There was nothing I could do except to bite my lips from screaming out loud. Hundreds of things that could have happened to him, and my SOPs zoomed through my mind in the flick of seconds. Samuel ran over to pick up our frightened baby, Andrew held out his arms to me. I held him tight, checked him from head to toe. I thank the Almighty that he was not hurt.
Sometimes, I sat on my recliner instead of the wheel chair. Andrew wanted me to follow him to his room and play. I took a piece of my heart and threw it to him, he catches it, pats his own heart. “Mommy is following you now.” My two-year-old walks always without any complaints.
I tried to be the super-mom that I wanted to be, I took Andrew downstairs to play by myself. When I tried to catch a balloon that flew away, I fell head over heals. Andrew was in so much fright that he refused to go anyway alone with me for the longest time.
I suck everything up in the morning, my tears, my frustration, my sorrows. Once Andrew falls asleep, the waterworks ran like tap water, it wouldn’t stop. No one can comfort me, no one could help me, not even Samuel. We have been fighting this battle for years side by side, we were not ready to face the defeat.
I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about this. I can’t lose my sanity in front of Andrew. He deserves a better mommy and a lot more happiness.
My blue print for being a Mother was to be there for my kid: race in the park, lie on the grass and gaze at the sky, teach him how to swim. When it’s time for school, I want to be friends of his friends, I am going to run for the coolest mom in the whole class.
But now, life isn’t pretty any more.
All good that’s left, was Andrew.
sip meaning 在 暗網仔 2.0 Youtube 的最佳貼文
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Deepfake換臉程式的黑暗秘密: 人類未來的危機
大家有沒有覺得這段Obama的演講有種很奇怪的感覺啊? 其實該片段是一年前導演Jordan Peele用一個名Deepfake的恐怖AI科技Key了美國總統的樣子上去的. Deepfake是能把任何人的樣子放在任何身體上. 用這種科技出ham片!楊幂中國deepfake事件! 甚至未來政治危機! 之後一一會講.
在危機處處的網絡世界我是用NordVPN保護自己的. 如果你們不想黑客入侵,個人資料被盜用NordVPN一向也是我上暗網的保護罩. 上去食人族暗網’wun食’? NordVPN! 到北韓網站看. NordVPN! Nordvpn無論Android iphone也可以用, 在機場, coffee shop, 甚至到中國大陸也行, 讓我本身住加拿大這個事實不容易被發現.
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Deepfake源自於一個名Interval Research corporation的網路科技研究中心. 1997年研究出Video rewrite program, 初步能夠將影片?面口型的畫面配合上後期加上的對白. 在Hollywood電影後製變成很重要的科技. 但要到20年之後Deepfake才得到主流關注. 2017年我們看到的 ‘Synthesizing Obama’ 網上流傳. 2017年尾這種科技才由授權人士掉到一般人的手中. 例如這個名 ‘fakeapp’ 的應用程式. 結果問題就開始了.
今天就講一下deepfake危機會出現的三個地方.
色情
2017年尾名 ‘deepfakes’ 的一位reddit討論區用戶上載了第一個自製Deepfake. 之後luk jook有各個女明星的deepfake出現. 女星的樣子放在A片女星的身體上. 高fung時一天數千條這些影片放上討論區.
但如果你只是普通的女生, 一醒來發現無數張有你樣子的色情照片和影片, 你又如何接受呢?
法律學生Noelle martins 17歲的時候發現網上有大量photoshop她的樣子的色情照片. 之後的5年, Noelle與各大的色情網站進行一個gim gooy的戰爭. 除即發現她身邊的朋友甚至自己的妹妹也成為這些Deepfake網站的受害者.
這個熱潮導致兩極分化. 道德上該事件一定是重大問題. 但另一邊學者認為色情行業一向都是推動新科枝的重要元素.
這其實sip及西方社會一個敏感的A片類型: 復仇色情片. 簡單講, 復仇色情片是一些ja男與女友分手後把她的裸照或親密片放給大家看的色情片內容.
Deepfake卻令到沒有拍過任何東西的女生也可能成為 ‘復仇’ 目標. Noelle martins就是一個越反抗越成為目標的例子.
楊冪
國內好多科技上的潮流也是來自外國. Deepfake也不列外. 這張照片曾在國內引發很大的關注. 大家覺得有問題嗎?
這張内地女演員楊冪的造型照來自於TVB 1994年射雕英雄傳 ‘黃蓉’ 的角色. 但1994年的楊冪只有8歲, 其實這是一個deepfake, 原本的造型是朱茵. 但真實程度讓影片出現在 ‘B站’ Bilibili後, 這種 ‘合成技術’ 在國內全面禁止.
Political event
外國明星樣子被deepfake惡搞卻常常發生. 演員Nicolas cage的樣子出現最多. Wonder Woman Gal Gadot的事件最為人熟悉.但看看這個片段(show hilary Clinton Saturday night live deepfake)
而這是美國總統Donald Trump. 被一名演員在模仿.
這科技成為政治工具一向是公眾最大yuw leuy. Shane Dawson的 ‘conspiracy theories with Shane Dawson’ 對deepfake也將這當作最大恐懼.
-2020 election
但將近2020年美國election, 一些不懂政治的人好可能會因爲看到領導者假的片段導致大gook有所改變. 正式加強一場名 ‘Cyberwar’ 的東西. Hacking, computer virus有危險性之外, 用media一些假的慨念到大眾的思想?面. 又名 ‘likewar’
...即是騙 ‘like’ 吧!
What’s being done to stop it
兩個月前Google發送了幾千條Deepfake影片給researchers. 幫助建立AI能查出那一些影片有deepfake成份. 美國有兩個州份Virginia和Texas已經法例禁止deepfake成人電影的發行. 同時雖然Deepfake本身在整個美國不是犯法, 用一條假的影片有意做詐騙行為是犯法的.
同月facebook創辦人mark zuckerberg國會大樓?面答應會嚴格監督Facebook feed 上面的新聞.
sip meaning 在 Aida Azlin Youtube 的最佳貼文
Here’s one of my favourite stories about a thief, a saint and a cup of tea and how it truly taught me the meaning of kindness!
If you want more of such reflections, subscribe at http://aidaazlin.com. You'll get access to my Tuesday Love Letters (where I share my reflections, thoughts and musings that I don’t share anywhere else) and access to other cool stuff! "See" you there!
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sip meaning 在 Sip Meaning - YouTube 的推薦與評價
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